Reader's Digest
O A logger, fresh from the big woods, was watching a shop assistant open a package of gaily colored men's pyjamas.
"What's them?" he asked.
"Pyjamas."
"Pyjamas," echoed the logger. "What's are they for?"
"Why, you wear them nights," the shop assistant explained. "Want to buy a pair?"
"Nothing doing," said the logger, "I don't go anywhere nights except to bed." (RD2014, Jan., p.107)
一位伐木工人剛從大森林裡出來，看到一個店員正在打開一個包裹，裡面是一堆顏色鮮豔的男用睡衣。他問道：「那是甚麼？」
「Pyjamas(睡衣)。」
他隨口應道：「Pyjamas喔...那是幹甚麼用的？」
店員解釋說：「嗯，那是人們晚上穿的衣服。要不要買一套？」
伐木工人說：「不用了...我晚上除了上床睡覺，啥地方也不去。」
O One of my co-workers where I used to work was in the reserve forces, and when he was deployed abroad, the boss placed this sticky note on his door: Stepped out. Back in 12 months. (RD2014, Jan., p.87)
我以前的一位同事隸屬預備部隊；當他被派到國外服役時，他的老闆在他辦公室門上貼了一張便利貼字條：「有事外出，十二個月後回來。」
O My neighbor, a police officer, pulled someone over for texting while driving. The driver was having none of it.
"I was not texting!" she insisted indignantly. "I was on Facebook." (RD2014, Jan., p.87)
我的鄰居是位警官，有一次攔查一個疑似邊開車邊發簡訊的駕駛人，但發現她根本沒在發簡訊。她很憤慨地說：「剛才我沒有發簡訊，我是在上臉書！」
O To register her child for our school, a mother filled out a number of forms. For the question "Language spoken at home?" she'd answered: "Generally good language, unless I get mad." (RD2014, Jan., p.87)
有一位媽媽來我們學校幫她的小孩辦理註冊，填了一大堆表格；其中有一個問題問道：「在家裡講甚麼話(語言)？」她的回答是：「通常都講好話，除非我被惹火了。」
O I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses. The whole time that the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was, I should really cut my hair. Bonnie McFariane (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
我認為警察們不宜戴反光的太陽眼鏡。每次我被他們訓斥時，我只想到一件事：我該去剪頭髮了。
O Whenever I see a man with a beard, a moustache and glasses, I think, Now there is a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. Carey Marx (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
我只要看到有人留著大鬍子，配上八字鬍和一副黑框眼鏡，我就會想：這傢伙故意弄成這副德行，恐怕是預防別人在他的照片上胡亂塗鴉的萬全措施。
O Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They are plotting something. (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
千萬要提防正在畫函數圖形的數學家；他們正在進行某種陰謀。(譯註：這裡的plot是個雙關語，一方面是指畫圖的動作，一方面是圖謀不軌的意思。)
O Our employer installed a suggestion box in hope of easing the tension she feared might follow workflow changes. The staff's ability to keep the atmosphere light, however, was exemplified by the first suggestion.
Stuffed partway through the box's small slot was this advice: "Make this hole bigger." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.83)
我們公司老闆設置了一個意見箱，希望藉此緩和緊張關係，以免造成人事的不穩定。這項營造輕鬆氣氛的作法有了正面的回應；第一個建議寫在一張紙上，塞在意見箱狹小的開口，一半露在外面，上面寫道：「把這個洞開大一點！」
O While making a routine report on vandalism at a local primary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a policeman?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot towards me, "would you please tie my shoe?" (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.83)
我在附近一所小學撰寫一樁校園破壞事件的處理報告時，被一個大約六歲的小女孩打斷我的工作。她一邊上下打量我的制服，一邊問道：「你是警察嗎？」
我說：「是啊！」然後繼續寫我的報告。
「我媽媽說，如果有任何事需要人幫忙的時候，都可以找警察，這話對嗎？」
我告訴她：「對，沒錯！」
於是，她伸出一隻腳，說：「那麼，幫我綁鞋帶好嗎？」
O A top executive asked the factory engineer to submit a cost estimate for modifications to eliminate the heavy density of tobacco smoke that prevailed during meetings in a conference room.
The young engineer assigned to the project submitted the following recommendations and estimates: Install larger exhaust fan and increase capacity of the heating and air-conditioning system and associated ductwork. Estimated cost: $2600.
Alternative plan: Install "No smoking" sign. Estimated cost: $3. (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.82)
一位高階主管要求工廠裡的工程人員交出一份改善工程的估價單，為了消除開會時會議室裡很多人抽菸導致濃煙密布的問題。
被指定寫估價單的這位年輕工程人員提出下列建議及估價：裝設較大型的排風扇，增加冷暖氣系統的容量，以及相關的管線配置，估計共約需2600美元(譯註：這篇文章發表於1975年的美國，這是當時的幣值)。
另一方案：設置「禁止抽菸」標誌；估計約需3美元。
O The general was inspecting a military base's mess facilities. Approaching one young recruit, he enquired, "How's the food here, lad?"
"We fight over it all the time, sir," was the response.
Beaming, the general asked, "That good, eh?"
"Not exactly, sir," the private replied. "The loser has to eat it!" (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.83)
一位將領正在巡視某軍營的伙食狀況。他走近一個新兵問道：「這裡的伙食怎麼樣，小伙子？」
「報告長官，我們每次都要為吃飯打架。」
這位將軍笑得合不攏嘴，問道：「嗄(ㄚˊ)，有那麼好嗎？」
新兵回答說：「報告長官，也沒那麼好啦；我們是打架打輸的要負責吃。」
O A plumber I know tells me that he never makes appointments for Mondays.
"That's the day," he explains, "when we have to clean up after all the weekend do-it-yourselfers."
Bob Talbert (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.82)
一位我認識的水電工告訴我，禮拜一他絕對不預約客戶。他解釋說：「每個禮拜一我都要替週日假期在家DIY(自己修理水電)的人收拾善後。」
O One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice. "I'm in real trouble," I said, "My neighbors across the road are going on holiday for a month and instead of boarding their two dogs they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them - if she doesn't forget it - and meanwhile they'll be lonely and bark all day and howl all night, and I won't be able to sleep and I'll be a nervous wreck, and I'll either have to call SPCA to haul them away or I'll go berserk and go over there and shoot them, and then when my neighbors return they'll go berserk and come over and shoot me..."
某天，我去請教一位律師朋友。我說：「我遇到大麻煩了！我家對面的鄰居要去渡假一個月；他們沒打算把兩隻狗託人照顧，而是打算把牠們鎖在家裡，由一位婦人來餵牠們(假如她記得的話)。那兩隻狗一定會不甘寂寞，日夜吠個不停。如此一來，我一定會無法睡覺，然後會神經衰弱，然後我可能會打電話叫捕狗隊來抓牠們，或者我會抓狂，過去用槍把牠們給斃了，然後當他們度假回來時也會抓狂，過來用槍把我給斃了......」
My lawyer patted back a delicate yawn. "Let me tell you a story," he said. "And don't stop me if you've heard it - because it will do you good to hear it again.
"A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and Bang! goes a tyre. He got out and looked and, drat it - he had no jack!
我的律師打了一個哈欠(還用手掌優雅地輕拍張開的嘴)，說道：「我說個故事給你聽吧；假如你已經聽過了，也請不要打斷我，因為再聽一遍鐵定對你有好處。
「有一個傢伙深夜在荒郊野外飆車時，車子突然爆胎，他下車察看－－該死！忘記帶千斤頂了！
Then he said to himself, 'Well, I'll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack!' He saw a light in the distance and said, 'Well, I'm in luck; the farmer's up. I'll just knock on the door and say I'm in trouble, would you please lend me a jack?' And he'll say, 'Why sure, neighbor, help yourself - but bring it back.'
於是他自言自語說：『嗯，沒關係，我只要走到最近的農舍借就有了！』他看到遠處有一戶農舍的燈是亮的，便對自己說：『嗯，我的運氣不錯。我只要去敲個門，說我遇到麻煩了，你的千斤頂是不是可以借用一下？』他一定會說：『噯，大家都是鄰居嘛！沒問題，請便，但要記得拿回來還我喔！』
"He walked on a little farther and the light went out, so he said to himself, 'Now he's gone to bed and he'll be annoyed because I'm bothering him - so he'll probably want some money for his jack. And I'll say, all right, it isn't very neighborly - but I'll give you a quarter. And he'll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me a quarter? Give me a dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.'
「他繼續走了一段路，發現農舍的燈熄了；於是他又自言自語說道：『現在他上床睡覺了，我把他吵醒的話，他一定很不爽－－所以他很可能要一些錢才肯出借千斤頂。於是我會說：『好吧！既然你不是很夠意思，我還是給你兩毛五吧(譯註：這篇文章發表於1954年的澳洲，兩毛五是當時澳幣的幣值)。然後他會說，你以為只給兩毛五就可以在三更半夜裡叫我起來啊？給我一塊錢，否則到別處去借。』
"By this time the fellow had worked up to a lather. He turned into the gate and muttered, 'A dollar! All right, I'll give you a dollar. But not a cent more! ... A poor devil has an accident in the middle of the night and all he needs is a jack. You probably won't let me have one no matter what I give you. That's the kind of guy you are.'
"Which brought him to the door and he knocked - loudly, angrily. The farmer stuck his head out the window above and hollered, 'Who's there? What do you want?' The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up: 'You and your damn jack! You know what you can do with it!'"
「此時，這個傢伙已經滿身大汗；他踏入圍籬門時嘴裡嘀咕著：『哼！一塊錢！好吧，給你一塊錢，但我不會多給一分錢！... 一個倒楣鬼在三更半夜出了小意外，只想借個千斤頂罷了；而你可能會獅子大開口，無論我給你多少你都不借－－你就是這種小人。』
「說著說著，他走到了屋門口，開始憤怒地大力敲門。農夫從他頭上的窗戶探出頭來，吆喝道：『誰呀？有甚麼事？』這傢伙停止敲門，向上大吼：『去你的千斤頂！你自己知道你心裡在打甚麼鬼主意！』」
When I stopped laughing, I started thinking, and I said, "Is that what I've been doing?"
"Right," he said, "and you'd be surprised how many people come to a lawyer for advice and, instead of calmly stating the facts, start building up a big imaginary fight - what he'll say to his partner, what she'll say to her husband, or how they'll tell the Old Man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they cool off.
我聽完大笑之後，開始想到一件事，我說：「這不是跟剛才我做的事一樣嗎？」
他說：「正是。說來你可能不信，許多人來找律師時，並不是心平氣和地陳述事實，而是不斷地累積怒氣，一付要打架的樣子－－例如：他要如何對付合夥人啦，她要如何反嗆她老公啦，或者他要如何跟老爸講清楚有關遺囑的事啦。這個時候我就會講這個千斤頂的故事給他們聽；他們聽完之後都會冷靜下來。」 (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.68)
O One day in 1965, when I was a librarian at View Ridge School in Seattle, a fourth grade teacher approached me. She had a student who finished his work before all the others and needed a challenge. "Could he help in the library?" she asked. I said, "Send him along."
Soon a slight, sandy-haired boy in jeans and a T-shirt appeared. "Do you have a job for me?" he asked.
I told him about the Dewey Decimal System for shelving books. He picked up the idea immediately. Then I showed him a stack of cards for long-overdue books that I was beginning to think had actually been returned but were mis-shelved with the wrong cards in them. He said, "Is it kind of a detective job?" I answered yes, and he became an unrelenting sleuth.
1965年的某一天，當時我是西雅圖景嶺國民學校的圖書館員，有一位四年級的老師來找我，她說她有一個學生功課比其他同學早作完，希望來一點有挑戰性的事情給他做。她問我說：「可不可以讓他來圖書館幫忙？」我說：「叫他來吧！」不久，來了一個瘦瘦的，長著淡茶色頭髮的男生，穿著Ｔ恤和牛仔褲。他問道：「你有工作給我做嗎？」
我開始教他書本上架所用的杜威的十進位分類法，他馬上聽懂了。接著我拿出一疊卡片，是逾期很久仍未歸還的書的書卡；我告訴他，這有可能書事實上已經還了，但因為插錯卡而上錯架。他說：「是不是要我做類似於偵探的工作？」我說是的；於是他馬上變成一個一絲不苟的偵探。
He had found three books with wrong cards by the time his teacher opened the door and announced, "Time for recess!" He argued for finishing the job; she made the case for fresh air. She won.
The next morning, he arrived early. "I want to finish finding those books," he said. At the end of the day, when he asked to be a librarian on a regular basis, it was easy to say yes. He worked untiringly.
After a few weeks I found a note on my desk, inviting me to dinner at the boy's home. At the end of a pleasant evening, his mother announced that the family would be moving to the adjoining school district. Her son's first concern, she said, was leaving the View Ridge library. "Who will find the lost books?" he asked.
當他的老師來開門說：「該休息了！」，他已經找出三本放錯卡片的書了。他還不甘心地說要把工作做完才要走。本來她無心插柳，但顯然柳已成蔭了。
隔天早上他一大早就來了，說道：「我要把那些書都找出來。」當天下班前，他提出要求說是否可以每天來圖書館，我自然而然說可以。從此，他都很賣力的工作著。
幾個禮拜以後，我在辦公桌上看到一張字條，說要邀請我去他家吃飯。吃完愉快的晚餐之後，他的媽媽宣布一個消息，說他們要搬到隔鄰的學區去；她說兒子最掛心的是將要離開景嶺的圖書館：「以後誰來找那些排錯的書？」
When the time came, I said a reluctant goodbye. Though initially he had seemed an ordinary kid, his zeal had set him apart.
I missed him, but not for long. A few days later he popped in the door and joyfully announced, "The librarian over there doesn't let boys work in the library. My mother got me transferred back to View Ridge. My dad will drop me off on his way to work. And if he can't, I'll walk!"
I should have had an inkling such focused determination would take that young man wherever he wanted to go. What I could not have guessed, however, was that he would become a wizard of the Information Age: Bill Gates, tycoon of Microsoft and America's richest man.
他轉學的時候，我有點不捨。當初第一次見到他時，覺得他似乎是個普通的孩子，但他的認真態度讓他顯得與眾不同。
我很想念他；但過沒幾天，他突然出現在門口，很興奮地說：「那邊的圖書館不讓男生幫忙，所以我媽又把我轉回來了。我爸上班時會順便載我來上學；假如他沒空，我自己用走的。」
我那時隱約覺得，這孩子的專心和毅力將會使他前途無量。但我萬萬沒想到，他－－比爾蓋茲－－竟然成為資訊時代的魔法師，微軟的大老闆，以及美國的首富。
(RD2013, Classic Reads, p.72)
O The glamorous star of a new musical smash, anticipating a long run, leased an elegant apartment which she proceeded to redecorate lavishly. To give the painter added incentive the star graciously slipped him a pair of practically unobtainable seats in the third row center.
The first of the month the leading lady was aghast at this item on her bill from the painter: "Four hours overtime watching customer sing and dance - ￡4." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.49)
一位高人氣的歌星最近的演唱會頗為轟動，因此打算作長期演出；於是她租了一戶高級公寓，並且糾工大肆裝潢。為了激勵油漆工人，這位歌星很慷慨地塞給他兩張入場券，座位在第三排中央的絕佳位置；這種票在外面幾乎是不可能買到的。
第二個月初當她收到油漆工的帳單時，簡直不敢置信，上面有一項：「加班四小時，去看客戶唱唱跳跳 - 收費4英鎊。」
O In reviewing the academic record of one of his students so that he could write her a reference, the teacher noticed that, while gaining many good marks, she had failed a physical education course.
"How did you manage to fail in archery?" he asked. She looked sheepish and replied, "I shot the teacher." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.49)
一個老師正在檢視一位學生的成績單，以便為她寫推薦函；他發現這位同學許多課程的成績都很高，只有一門體育課不及格。他問道：「妳的箭術為甚麼被當了呢？」她很不好意思地回答：「我把箭射到老師身上了。」
O When an elderly man collapsed, he was revived by rescue breathing - the new method of mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration. He was taken to a hospital, where he collapsed again.
Semiconscious, he heard the doctor point out to the two nurses with him that now was the time for them to learn rescue-breathing technique.
At this, the patient raised a shaky finger and pointed to one of the nurses - a short blonde. "Teach her first!" he whispered. (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.49)
一個老頭子昏倒了，被人用口對口人工呼吸法救醒，然後被送到醫院去。到醫院後他又昏過去了；在半清醒狀態下，他聽到醫生正在指派身旁兩位護士，利用這個機會練習人工呼吸的技術。
這時，老頭子舉起顫抖的手指，指著其中一位金髮俏護士，嘶聲說道：「先讓她練習！」
O In the public library a new member questioned the pretty librarian. "Do you mean to say that I may take out any book I want?"
"Yes," she answered.
"And may I take out record albums too?"
"Yes, you may."
"May I take you out?" he asked.
Drawing herself up to her full hight, she replied, "The librarians, sir, are for reference only." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.49)
公共圖書館的新進人員問一位漂亮的女館員：「妳是說，我想借哪一本書都可以帶出館外?」
她回答：「沒錯。」
「整套唱片專輯也可以?」
「當然可以。」
他又問：「那我可不可以把妳帶出去?」
她拉開最大嗓門回答：「先生，館員都是參考資料(只可在館內參閱)喔。」
O The doctor finished the examination and was ready to give his advice:
"Quit smoking and drinking, go to bed early every night and get up at the crack of dawn," he said. "That's the best thing for you."
"Frankly, Doc," the patient answered, "I don't deserve the best. What's second best?" (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.48)
醫生替一位病人檢查完畢之後，向病人交代說：「你要戒菸戒酒，每晚早一點上床，天一亮就馬上起床。這對你是最好的。」
病人回答說：「醫生，說老實話，我無福消受最好的；請告訴我次好的吧。」
O A writer had promised a producer a new play, but when a full year went by without further word the producer waxed impatient and called the writer on the telephone. "Where's the play?" he demanded. "I want to get my cast assembled."
"It's coming along," the man assured him vaguely.
"Just how much have you written?" demanded the producer.
"Well," said the writer, "you know it's to be in three acts and two intermissions. I've finished the intermissions." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.48)
有一位作家答應製作人寫一部新的劇本，但整整一年過去都沒有動筆。製作人等得不耐煩，打電話去催；他質問說：「劇本呢？我已經準備要開始找演員了咧。」
「我正在寫啦。」作家想打馬虎眼。
「你到底寫了多少？」製作人追問。
「嗯...」作家回答說：「當初說好的，這個劇本有三幕，中間有兩個休息時間；這兩個休息時間的部份我已經完成了。」
O "When I was a boy," reminisced the famous lawyer, "my highest ambition was to be a pirate."
"That so?" said his client. "Congratulations." (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.48)
一位名律師回憶說：「我小時候最大的志願是當個海盜。」
他的客戶說：「真的喔！恭喜你夢想成真。」
O Fishy joke
A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.
"Do you make fish cakes?" he asks.
"Yes, we do," replies the fishmonger.
"Great," says the man. "It's his birthday." Rob Fee (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
有一個人走進一家海產店，腋下夾著一條鱒魚。他問：「你們有沒有幫人做魚餅？」
店老闆回答說：「有啊！」
這個人說：「讚！今天是牠生日(魚餅剛好可以用來替牠慶生)。」
O The ayes have it
After a check-up, a doctor asked his patient, "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"
"Well," said the patient, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yes, we took a vote...and they are in favor of it 15 to 2." (RD2013, Dec, p.50)
經過一番檢查之後，醫生問病人：「你還有甚麼事情要跟我討論的嗎？」
病人說：「嗯，我正在考慮要不要作輸精管切除手術。」
「這是一個很重大的決定喔；你有沒有跟家人討論過？」
「有啊，他們還投票呢！結果是15比2，贊成。」
O Today's top story
A scientist says, "My findings are pointless when taken out of context."
Media: "Scientist claims 'findings are pointless'." (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
科學家說：「我的研究報告沒有任何意義，如果它被去頭除尾的話。」
媒體報導：「科學家說：『研究報告沒有任何意義』。」
【譯註】文章被去頭除尾，就是被斷章取義；但在這裡真的是被「去頭」又被「除尾」：
「我的研究報告沒有任何意義，如果它被去頭除尾的話。」
O Puns ahoy
My comment on the suggested plans to build a full-sized replica of the Titanic: "It's unthinkable." Anthony King (RD2013, Dec, p.50)
對於有人計畫依原尺寸複製一艘「鐵達尼號」，我的看法是：「它是不可想像的。」
【譯註】當初鐵達尼號號稱是「不沉沒的（unsinkable)」一艘船，跟「不可想像的（unthinkable)」發音大同小異。
O Boxing day
I think I figured out why I gained so much weight this year. We moved into a house a year ago, and I just realized there's one more box to unpack. A year later! No wonder someone that lazy is putting on weight. Also, the box is labelled "Lloyd's sports equipment". Lloyd Ravn (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
我想我終於知道為甚麼今年我會變那麼胖的原因了。一年前我們搬到目前住的房子，但直到現在我才發現還有一個箱子未打開──整整一年了耶！這麼懶，難怪會變胖。更何況，箱子上的標籤寫著：「羅一德(就是我)的運動用品。」
O Three Frugal Men
The Three Wise Men sound very generous, but what you've got to remember is that those gifts were joint Christmas and birthday presents. Jimmy Carr (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
三位賢者送給新生耶穌的禮物似乎很大方，其實不然；你想想看，這些禮物是聖誕禮物兼生日禮物哩！
【譯註】根據<聖經>的記載，耶穌誕生當晚，由東方來了三位賢者，他們送的禮物分別是黃金、乳香及沒藥。
A scientist says, "My findings are pointless when taken out of context."
Media: "Scientist claims 'findings are pointless'." (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
科學家說：「我的研究報告沒有任何意義，如果它被去頭除尾的話。」
媒體報導：「科學家說：『研究報告沒有任何意義』。」
【譯註】文章被去頭除尾，就是被斷章取義；但在這裡真的是被「去頭」又被「除尾」：
「
O Puns ahoy
My comment on the suggested plans to build a full-sized replica of the Titanic: "It's unthinkable." Anthony King (RD2013, Dec, p.50)
對於有人計畫依原尺寸複製一艘「鐵達尼號」，我的看法是：「它是不可想像的。」
【譯註】當初鐵達尼號號稱是「不沉沒的（unsinkable)」一艘船，跟「不可想像的（unthinkable)」發音大同小異。
O Boxing day
I think I figured out why I gained so much weight this year. We moved into a house a year ago, and I just realized there's one more box to unpack. A year later! No wonder someone that lazy is putting on weight. Also, the box is labelled "Lloyd's sports equipment". Lloyd Ravn (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
我想我終於知道為甚麼今年我會變那麼胖的原因了。一年前我們搬到目前住的房子，但直到現在我才發現還有一個箱子未打開──整整一年了耶！這麼懶，難怪會變胖。更何況，箱子上的標籤寫著：「羅一德(就是我)的運動用品。」
O Three Frugal Men
The Three Wise Men sound very generous, but what you've got to remember is that those gifts were joint Christmas and birthday presents. Jimmy Carr (RD2013, Dec, p.51)
三位賢者送給新生耶穌的禮物似乎很大方，其實不然；你想想看，這些禮物是聖誕禮物兼生日禮物哩！
【譯註】根據<聖經>的記載，耶穌誕生當晚，由東方來了三位賢者，他們送的禮物分別是黃金、乳香及沒藥。
O You may scoff By Emma Young from New Scientist
Forget dieting. Shedding a few kilograms could be as easy as having a lie-in, turning down the lights and chomping on chicken.
你可以盡量吃 (摘自<新科學家雜誌>)
別節食啦！要減掉幾公斤很簡單──比如說，早上賴床啦、把燈光調暗啦、或大嚼雞肉啦，都是可行的辦法。
The holidays are a time of excess. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet. Or perhaps not. Unfortunately, we don't all have the self-discipline and determination it takes to cut back on cake and hit the gym. But fear not. There could be other ways to shift the fat and stay trim.
假日通常是放縱的日子，有人為了隔天的節食而大吃大喝，大大享樂一番(也許有人不是因為節食的緣故)。 只可惜我們人的自制和決心都不足以拒絕甜點的誘惑，以及經常上健身房運動。不過別擔心；也許有其他方法可以甩掉肥肉，保持苗條。
Have a lie-in
If you need an excuse for spending more time in bed during the holidays, this could be it: too little sleep can make you fat. Sleep deprivation reduces the secretion of leptin, a hormone that suppresses appetite, and increases levels of ghrelin, a hormone that stimulates appetite. Or it could be as simple as less sleep means more time to eat. Either way, an extra hour in bed sure beats going to the gym.
方法一：睡個懶覺
假如你想在假日賴床而找個藉口，可能就是這個：「睡太少會變胖」。睡眠不足會減少「瘦蛋白」(一種抑制食慾的激素)的分泌，而增加「促長肽」(一種促進食慾的激素)的水平。也許更簡單的解釋是：睡得少就有時間多吃東西。無論如何，在床上多賴一小時遠勝上健身房運動一番。
Turning down the lights
Light at night might alter circadian clock genes, changing an individual's metabolism. It's difficult to specify an appropriate light cycle for everyone because people have very different schedules. But it is recommended that keeping a consistent pattern throughout the week and, if possible, avoiding blue wavelengths of light at night. Produced by many LED bulbs, these are known to be especially disruptive to the circadian system.
方法二：將燈光調暗
夜間的燈光可能會改變生理時鐘的基因，進而改變一個人的新陳代謝。由於每個人有不同的作息時間表，因此很難替每個人訂出一個適當的光照週期；但一般的原則是儘量讓整個禮拜的每一天都有一致的光照樣式，並且盡可能避免在晚間接觸藍色波長的光線。許多LED燈泡都會發出這種波長的光；就目前所知，這對人體的生理時鐘有不良的影響。
Eat protein
High-protein diets may be one food fad with some substance. First there was Atkins. Now it's the Dukan diet. "There has been no scientific work on its long-term success but, based on its composition, we predict it will be effective," says a researcher at the University of Sydney. Other medical research indicates that protein keeps you fuller for longer. A diet high in protein allowed most people to eat until they were full without gaining weight. More turkey anyone?
方法三：吃富含蛋白質的食物
高蛋白飲食可能是一種時尚，但也不無道理。以前有Atkins減肥法，現在則流行Dukan減肥法。雪梨大學的研究人員說：「到目前為止，沒有科學上的研究證明這種減肥法長期有效；但從內容看起來，我們預測它一定有效。」另外有醫學上的研究指出，蛋白質食物可以讓人保持較久的飽足感。高蛋白質飲食可以讓大多數人吃到飽而不會變胖。怎麼樣？有人要再吃一塊火雞肉嗎？ (RD2013, Dec. p.44)
O Define lines
Flirtation: moonlight and ruses.
Toupee: a breadth of fresh hair.
Sore throat: hoarse and buggy.
(RD2013, Dec. p.65)
談情說愛：月光和「計謀」。
【譯註】在月光下談情說愛需要roses(玫瑰)，但聽起來很像ruses(計謀)。
假髮：一撮新鮮的頭髮。
【譯註】A breadth of fresh hair聽起來很像a breath of fresh air(吸一口新鮮空氣)。
喉嚨痛：沙啞和感染細菌。
【譯註】Hoarse and buggy聽起來很像horse and buggy(馬和馬車)。
Forget dieting. Shedding a few kilograms could be as easy as having a lie-in, turning down the lights and chomping on chicken.
你可以盡量吃 (摘自<新科學家雜誌>)
別節食啦！要減掉幾公斤很簡單──比如說，早上賴床啦、把燈光調暗啦、或大嚼雞肉啦，都是可行的辦法。
The holidays are a time of excess. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet. Or perhaps not. Unfortunately, we don't all have the self-discipline and determination it takes to cut back on cake and hit the gym. But fear not. There could be other ways to shift the fat and stay trim.
假日通常是放縱的日子，有人為了隔天的節食而大吃大喝，大大享樂一番(也許有人不是因為節食的緣故)。 只可惜我們人的自制和決心都不足以拒絕甜點的誘惑，以及經常上健身房運動。不過別擔心；也許有其他方法可以甩掉肥肉，保持苗條。
Have a lie-in
If you need an excuse for spending more time in bed during the holidays, this could be it: too little sleep can make you fat. Sleep deprivation reduces the secretion of leptin, a hormone that suppresses appetite, and increases levels of ghrelin, a hormone that stimulates appetite. Or it could be as simple as less sleep means more time to eat. Either way, an extra hour in bed sure beats going to the gym.
方法一：睡個懶覺
假如你想在假日賴床而找個藉口，可能就是這個：「睡太少會變胖」。睡眠不足會減少「瘦蛋白」(一種抑制食慾的激素)的分泌，而增加「促長肽」(一種促進食慾的激素)的水平。也許更簡單的解釋是：睡得少就有時間多吃東西。無論如何，在床上多賴一小時遠勝上健身房運動一番。
Turning down the lights
Light at night might alter circadian clock genes, changing an individual's metabolism. It's difficult to specify an appropriate light cycle for everyone because people have very different schedules. But it is recommended that keeping a consistent pattern throughout the week and, if possible, avoiding blue wavelengths of light at night. Produced by many LED bulbs, these are known to be especially disruptive to the circadian system.
方法二：將燈光調暗
夜間的燈光可能會改變生理時鐘的基因，進而改變一個人的新陳代謝。由於每個人有不同的作息時間表，因此很難替每個人訂出一個適當的光照週期；但一般的原則是儘量讓整個禮拜的每一天都有一致的光照樣式，並且盡可能避免在晚間接觸藍色波長的光線。許多LED燈泡都會發出這種波長的光；就目前所知，這對人體的生理時鐘有不良的影響。
Eat protein
High-protein diets may be one food fad with some substance. First there was Atkins. Now it's the Dukan diet. "There has been no scientific work on its long-term success but, based on its composition, we predict it will be effective," says a researcher at the University of Sydney. Other medical research indicates that protein keeps you fuller for longer. A diet high in protein allowed most people to eat until they were full without gaining weight. More turkey anyone?
方法三：吃富含蛋白質的食物
高蛋白飲食可能是一種時尚，但也不無道理。以前有Atkins減肥法，現在則流行Dukan減肥法。雪梨大學的研究人員說：「到目前為止，沒有科學上的研究證明這種減肥法長期有效；但從內容看起來，我們預測它一定有效。」另外有醫學上的研究指出，蛋白質食物可以讓人保持較久的飽足感。高蛋白質飲食可以讓大多數人吃到飽而不會變胖。怎麼樣？有人要再吃一塊火雞肉嗎？ (RD2013, Dec. p.44)
O Define lines
Flirtation: moonlight and ruses.
Toupee: a breadth of fresh hair.
Sore throat: hoarse and buggy.
(RD2013, Dec. p.65)
談情說愛：月光和「計謀」。
【譯註】在月光下談情說愛需要roses(玫瑰)，但聽起來很像ruses(計謀)。
假髮：一撮新鮮的頭髮。
【譯註】A breadth of fresh hair聽起來很像a breath of fresh air(吸一口新鮮空氣)。
喉嚨痛：沙啞和感染細菌。
【譯註】Hoarse and buggy聽起來很像horse and buggy(馬和馬車)。
O Decorative wear
I've always wanted a beautiful shawl to wear with my dresses. So when I opened the Christmas present from my sister Wanda and saw that it was a white-and-silver shawl, I squealed in delight.
"I love it!" I told Wanda that night. "I wore it all evening."
"You wore it?" she replied, smiling. "It's a skirt for the Christmas tree." (RD2013, Dec. p.89)
我一直希望有一條能跟我的衣服搭配的圍巾；因此當我打開我妹妹汪妲送我的聖誕禮物－－一條銀白色圍巾－－時，不禁高興得尖叫起來。當天晚上我告訴汪妲說：「我愛死它了！我整晚都披著它。」她笑著回答說：「妳披著它喔？它是給聖誕樹披的耶。」
I've always wanted a beautiful shawl to wear with my dresses. So when I opened the Christmas present from my sister Wanda and saw that it was a white-and-silver shawl, I squealed in delight.
"I love it!" I told Wanda that night. "I wore it all evening."
"You wore it?" she replied, smiling. "It's a skirt for the Christmas tree." (RD2013, Dec. p.89)
我一直希望有一條能跟我的衣服搭配的圍巾；因此當我打開我妹妹汪妲送我的聖誕禮物－－一條銀白色圍巾－－時，不禁高興得尖叫起來。當天晚上我告訴汪妲說：「我愛死它了！我整晚都披著它。」她笑著回答說：「妳披著它喔？它是給聖誕樹披的耶。」
O Fear is often disguised as moral outrage. Judy Blume (RD2013, Dec. p.97)
心裡有鬼的人通常用滿口仁義道德來掩飾。
心裡有鬼的人通常用滿口仁義道德來掩飾。
O "I love getting older. What you lose in looks, you gain in wisdom." Delvene Delaney (RD2013, Dec. p.97)
「我喜歡變老；雖然失去了美貌，卻增長了智慧。」
【譯註】這句話也許只適用於一部份的人。
【譯註】這句話也許只適用於一部份的人。
O It's a wonderful metaphor, catching a wave, for how you can look at other challenges in your life. Jeff Bridges (RD2013, Dec. p.97)
「抓住下一個浪頭」是一個很棒的比喻；因為它告訴你如何面對人生的諸多挑戰。
【譯註】衝浪者要隨時「抓住下一個浪頭」，才能不斷地衝下去。
【譯註】衝浪者要隨時「抓住下一個浪頭」，才能不斷地衝下去。
O Confessions of a pesky mosquito
一隻討人厭的蚊子的告白
We love when you work up a sweat. You think we are drawn by the aroma of your "sweet blood", but it's really the carbon dioxide (CO2) you exhale that makes us beeline toward you. The harder you breath, the more CO2 you emit, so you're especially attractive after a jog.
我最喜歡你滿身大汗的時候。你以為我們蚊子是被你的「可愛的血」的香味所吸引，其實吸引我們向你直線飛去的，是你呼出的二氧化碳(CO2)。你的呼吸量越大，呼出的二氧化碳越多；因此你在慢跑之後，對我們特別有吸引力。
Love beer? So do some of us. It's crazy, but we can tell when you've been drinking because your skin chemistry changes, and it lures us in.
你喜歡喝啤酒嗎？我們蚊子也喜歡。聽起來不可思議，但你一喝我們就知道，因為你的皮膚的化學狀態改變了。這種改變會引誘我們。
Hate getting bitten? Blame the ladies. Here's a secret: male mosquitos do not eat human blood - they get their nutrition from plant nectar. Females need your blood to help our eggs develop. After we have a blood meal, we can lay up to 400 eggs.
討厭被蚊子咬？這要怪母的。告訴你一個祕密：雄蚊不吸人血——牠們吸食植物的汁液維生。雌蚊需要人類的血來幫助產卵；她們只要飽餐一頓人血，就可生出多達400顆的蛋來。
Pregnant? Yum. If you're a woman who's expecting, you emit more CO2 and your abdomen has a slightly higher temperature than when you're not pregnant, drawing some of us right to you. Sorry, baby.
一隻討人厭的蚊子的告白
We love when you work up a sweat. You think we are drawn by the aroma of your "sweet blood", but it's really the carbon dioxide (CO2) you exhale that makes us beeline toward you. The harder you breath, the more CO2 you emit, so you're especially attractive after a jog.
我最喜歡你滿身大汗的時候。你以為我們蚊子是被你的「可愛的血」的香味所吸引，其實吸引我們向你直線飛去的，是你呼出的二氧化碳(CO2)。你的呼吸量越大，呼出的二氧化碳越多；因此你在慢跑之後，對我們特別有吸引力。
Love beer? So do some of us. It's crazy, but we can tell when you've been drinking because your skin chemistry changes, and it lures us in.
你喜歡喝啤酒嗎？我們蚊子也喜歡。聽起來不可思議，但你一喝我們就知道，因為你的皮膚的化學狀態改變了。這種改變會引誘我們。
Hate getting bitten? Blame the ladies. Here's a secret: male mosquitos do not eat human blood - they get their nutrition from plant nectar. Females need your blood to help our eggs develop. After we have a blood meal, we can lay up to 400 eggs.
討厭被蚊子咬？這要怪母的。告訴你一個祕密：雄蚊不吸人血——牠們吸食植物的汁液維生。雌蚊需要人類的血來幫助產卵；她們只要飽餐一頓人血，就可生出多達400顆的蛋來。
Pregnant? Yum. If you're a woman who's expecting, you emit more CO2 and your abdomen has a slightly higher temperature than when you're not pregnant, drawing some of us right to you. Sorry, baby.
妳懷孕啦？那更可口。懷孕待產的婦女會呼出更多的二氧化碳，肚皮溫度也會比沒懷孕時稍微高一點，因此會吸引一些蚊子前來喔。歹勢啦，寶貝。
Smelly feet are delicious. In fact, scientists have shown that we find your stinky socks particularly alluring (but our favorite body part is your hand).
臭腳丫最可口。事實上，科學家們已經證實，你們的臭襪子最吸引我們（但我們最喜歡的部位是你們的手）。
臭腳丫最可口。事實上，科學家們已經證實，你們的臭襪子最吸引我們（但我們最喜歡的部位是你們的手）。
To evade us at a party, don't be a wallflower. When we smell a huge mass of CO2, we fly toward it; after we get there, it's easier to attack the people lingering on the fringe than those in the center.
想在派對中避開我們的話，就不要坐冷板凳。我們聞到一大堆二氧化碳時，就會飛過去。抵達之後，我們比較容易攻擊在人群邊緣落單的人。
(RD2013, Dec. p.19)
O Mosquitos fly at a speed of 1.5 to 2.5 km/h. Source: mosquito.org (RD2013, Nov. p.96)
蚊子的飛行速度是每小時1.5至2.5公里。
O How to talk to someone with hearing loss
People who have hearing loss may struggle with a surprising side effect: less satisfying relationships, says Katherine Bouton, author of Shouting Won't Help. Clinically deaf, she taught friends and family how to help.
如何跟重聽的人說話
Don't: Shout
Speak in a normal voice and articulate as clearly as possible; yelling doesn't help a person with hearing loss hear you any better. The exception: if your voice is particularly quiet, you should speak louder.
不要大聲吼叫
用正常的聲音說話，並儘可能清晰發音；對重聽的人而言，大吼大叫沒有用。例外：如果你中氣特別不足，不妨可以大聲一點。
Don't: Lean in to the ear
Almost all people with hearing loss read lips. Don't speak directly into their ear because the person won't be able to see your lips.
不要附在他的耳邊講話
幾乎所有重聽的人都會看講話的人的嘴唇；所以不要附在他們耳邊講話，因為這樣他們看不到你的嘴唇。
Don't: Forget to eliminate white noise
Most people with hearing loss have a hard time distinguishing speech over a noisy air conditioner, a humming fish tank, or anything that whirs, murmurs or rumbles. Don't try to chat over the TV.
不要忘記消除背景雜音
大多數重聽的人在吵雜的環境下－－例如有噪音的冷氣機或魚缸－－很難分辨別人的講話聲。所以不要在看電視時跟他說話。
Don't: All talk at once
At a dinner party or meeting, where there may be eight to ten people present, try to have one general conversation instead of several overlapping ones.
不要一堆人七嘴八舌
在開會或聚餐的場合，可能有八個或十個人在場，此時儘量限定在一個共同的話題，而不要有幾個話題同時進行。
Don't: Say "Never mind, it doesn't matter"
If someone doesn't hear what you've said after you've restated it two or three times, don't give up. Rephrase and retry. To the person who can't hear you, everything matters. (RD2013, Dec, p.17)
不要說：「算了，這不重要」
假如你講了兩三遍之後，他還是聽不清楚你在講甚麼，千萬別放棄，繼續重複試看看。對重聽的人而言，你說的任何話都很重要。
蚊子的飛行速度是每小時1.5至2.5公里。
O How to talk to someone with hearing loss
People who have hearing loss may struggle with a surprising side effect: less satisfying relationships, says Katherine Bouton, author of Shouting Won't Help. Clinically deaf, she taught friends and family how to help.
如何跟重聽的人說話
Don't: Shout
Speak in a normal voice and articulate as clearly as possible; yelling doesn't help a person with hearing loss hear you any better. The exception: if your voice is particularly quiet, you should speak louder.
不要大聲吼叫
用正常的聲音說話，並儘可能清晰發音；對重聽的人而言，大吼大叫沒有用。例外：如果你中氣特別不足，不妨可以大聲一點。
Don't: Lean in to the ear
Almost all people with hearing loss read lips. Don't speak directly into their ear because the person won't be able to see your lips.
不要附在他的耳邊講話
幾乎所有重聽的人都會看講話的人的嘴唇；所以不要附在他們耳邊講話，因為這樣他們看不到你的嘴唇。
Don't: Forget to eliminate white noise
Most people with hearing loss have a hard time distinguishing speech over a noisy air conditioner, a humming fish tank, or anything that whirs, murmurs or rumbles. Don't try to chat over the TV.
不要忘記消除背景雜音
大多數重聽的人在吵雜的環境下－－例如有噪音的冷氣機或魚缸－－很難分辨別人的講話聲。所以不要在看電視時跟他說話。
Don't: All talk at once
At a dinner party or meeting, where there may be eight to ten people present, try to have one general conversation instead of several overlapping ones.
不要一堆人七嘴八舌
在開會或聚餐的場合，可能有八個或十個人在場，此時儘量限定在一個共同的話題，而不要有幾個話題同時進行。
Don't: Say "Never mind, it doesn't matter"
If someone doesn't hear what you've said after you've restated it two or three times, don't give up. Rephrase and retry. To the person who can't hear you, everything matters. (RD2013, Dec, p.17)
不要說：「算了，這不重要」
假如你講了兩三遍之後，他還是聽不清楚你在講甚麼，千萬別放棄，繼續重複試看看。對重聽的人而言，你說的任何話都很重要。
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