O Study after study has documented that when women have the opportunity to start business, own land, and receive credit ... entire economies expand. Hillary Clinton (RD2014, March., p.97)
O Gym flunkie
Joining the gym is amazing - such an invigorating way to start the day! Waking up at 7 am and deciding not to go is such a great feeling. Nat Luurtsema (RD2014, March., p.53)
O Back to the drawing board
I've just finished my new time machine. Still got a few teething problems, though. So far I can only go forwards in time, and only very slowly. (RD2014, March., p.52)
O Internet security
My wife was checking her emails and told me that her password was "mickeyminniebatmanrobintomjerryLondon". I asked her why it needed to be so long.
"Because," she replied, "I was told it had to have at least six characters and one capital." (RD2014, March., p.53)
我太太在查看電子郵件時告訴我說，她設定的密碼是「米奇 米妮 蝙蝠俠 羅賓 湯姆 傑利 倫敦」。我問她為甚麼要用這麼長的密碼。她回答說：「因為電腦要求說必須至少用六個人物(characters)及一個首都(capital)啊。」
O Post posture
I got a letter in the post the other day. It said, "Do not bend."
So I thought, How am I supposed to pick it up? Lee Mack (RD2014, March., p.53)
O Smart shopper
A man approaches a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife in the aisles. Would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman replies.
"Because every time I speak to a pretty lady, my wife appears out of nowhere." (RD2014, March., p.52)
O When the Washington Post challenged its readers to supply alternate meanings for any word in the dictionary, entries included:
Coffee (n): A person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj): to be appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Balderdash (n): A rapidly receding hairline.
Esplanade (v): To attempt an explanation while drunk. (RD2014, March., p.51)
O The most dangerous phrase in the English language is, "We've always done it this way." Grace Hopper (RD2014, Feb., p.97)
O Historically speaking, cats unlike dogs, have not been domesticated to obey humans' orders. Rather, they seem to take the initiative in human-cat interaction. University of Tokyo researchers (RD2014, Feb., p.97)
O How can it be that it is not news when an elderly homeless person dies of exposure, but it is news when the stock market loses two points? Pope Francis (RD2014, Feb., p.97)
O Rent realities
Let's face it: Paying rent is a hassle. "It's your fault," a tenant scolded one landlord when the tenant's cheque bounced. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to run to the bank the very same day?" Enjoy more real excuses from renters. (RD2014, Feb., p.107)
" You're only talking to me because the rent's not paid? Is that all I am to you? A tenant?"
"We knew we wouldn't be able to pay next month's rent, so we decided to not pay this month's rent either."
"I'm getting really tired of paying this rent every damn month!"
"We'll pay you when we can. We're having a big party for my daughter's sweet 16 with her friends and had to buy a lot of beer."
"My dealer raised his prices again. You know how it goes."
"We're getting a refund on my wife's tattoo. This artist messed it up, and we're getting back most of the bucks!"
"I won't be paying the rent for July. I can't give you any details, but we are going into the witness protection program."
O The myth of Icarus
The Greek island Icarus, also spelled Icaria, is said to be named after the mythological Icarus.
According to Greek legend, when Daedalus, a respected artisan, angered King Minos of Crete, he and his son, Icarus, were imprisoned in a labyrinth. In order for them to escape, Daedalus built wings from feathers and wax. He warned his son not to fly too close to the sun, in case the wax melted. Young Icarus disobeyed his father, his wings melted and he fell to the sea where the currents carried his body to an unnamed island. Hercules found it, recognized Icarus and buried him, naming the island after him. (RD2014, Feb., p.103)
O Insoles don't help knee pain
Wedge-shaped insoles are a popular treatment for knee osteoarthritis. But in 12 studies involving 885 people with the condition, the inexpensive treatment, which transfers weight to a different part of the joint, didn't have much benefit. People felt better when they added any insole to their shoes, but it may have been a placebo.
"If you give one group nothing and one group something, then you see an effect," according to study auther Matthew Parkes of the University of Manchester in the UK. (RD2014, Feb., p.20)
O Fruits linked to lowered diabetes risk
Whole fruits, especially grapes, apples and blueberries, greatly lowered a person's risk of type 2 diabetes, but fruit juice is associated with an increased risk, according to dietary data from more than 180,000 Americans in three long-term health studies.
Why? Juices are digested more quickly than actual fruits. Also, juice's higher glycaemic load - a measure of the way a food or drink increases blood sugar- combined with a decrease in nutritients lost through the juicing process could be to blame, researchers said. (RD2014, Feb., p.20)
O Bumbling employees
On a job-searching website, an employer wrote that a male employee phoned him to say he would be late because "his cervix was hurting." Here are more reasons for missing work that were test-driven by various (possibly former) employees who tried skipping the office. (RD2014, Feb., p.108)
"I forgot to come back to work after lunch."
"A hit man was looking for me."
"I am hellucinating."
"I've had a hair-dye disaster."
"My toe is trapped in the bathtub."
"My dog had a big fright,and I don't want to leave him."
"I drank too much and fell asleep on someone's floor. I don't know where I am."
"My fish is sick."
"My hamster died."
"My brain went to sleep, and I couldn't wake it up."
O If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares? Tina Fey (RD2014, Feb., p.96)
O Comic relief
My wife is a part-time barmaid and was having trouble with a rowdy male customer.
When he asked her the way to the toilets, she told him, "Go down that hallway and you'll see a door marked 'Gentlemen'. But don't let that deter you." (RD2014, Feb., p.89)
O Customer disservice
A co-worker at our car dealership was juggling a dozen different tasks when a customer phoned.
"Parts department," he said, "can you hold please?"
The person on the other end obviously couldn't, because the next thing I heard was, "Then could you call back when you can hold?" (RD2014, Feb., p.88)
O Verbatim dictation
As I hurried through the airport, I dictated a text message to my phone while wheeling my suitcase behind me. The phone got the dictation fine, but appended "kdkdkdkdkdkd" to the message - that being its interpretation of the sound of my suitcase wheels on the tiles. (RD2014, Feb., p.88)
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist. (RD2014, Feb., p.64)
【譯註】另外一種解讀：這女孩說，她是在素食俱樂部認識我的，但我從來沒看過她。met herbivore意思是見過這個草食動物，也可唸做met her before(見過她)。
O Safe Flying
Long-haul flights (four hours or more) can trigger the formation of blood clots, known as deep vein thrombosis, the condition that precedes a pulmonary embolism. Here's how to avoid them.
* While on the plane, a few minutes of low-intensity activity every two hours will boost circulation. Consider a quick walk up and down the aisle, or a simple flex-and-point excercise with your toes.
* Taking aspirin a half-hour before boarding can help thin the blood. Check with your doctor first.
* Stay hydrated. Drink fluids regularly during your flight and go easy on the booze.
* Watch your calves in the months following the trip. Any swelling could be the telltale sign of a clot. (RD2014, Jan., p.94)
O I'm not the easiest guy to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, "Thanks for putting up with me so long."
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long." (RD2014, Jan., p.107)