2012年10月8日 星期一


Reader's Digest

O Best of enemies
Spotted on a church signboard: "Love your enemies. After all, you made them."     Barbara Telecsan     (RD2013, Nov. p.89)

O Life Lesson
The first great rule in life is to put upwith things; the second is to refuse to put up with things; and the third, and hardest, is to be able to distinguish between the first two.    Sydney J. Harris    (RD2013, Nov. p.45)

O Excuses, excuses
Four actual - but less than plausible - reasons given for missing work:
1. Employee caught a cold from a puppy.
2. Employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
3. Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a delivey truck backed up and dumped flour into her convertible.
4. Employee said a deer bit him during hunting season.     (RD2013, Nov. p.63)

1.      有員工說他被小狗傳染到感冒。
2.      有員工說他逛舊貨拍賣場逛太久,頭痛。
3.      有員工說他在咖啡店前面排隊時,有一輛貨車將麵粉倒在她的敞篷車裡。
4.   有員工說他在獵鹿時被鹿咬到。
O Combative
With the help of a 16-tonne forklift, I was loading containers onto an aircraft bound for Afghanistan. My sergeant major stopped by to ask how I was doing.
"Well," I said, "it would be a lot easier if the idiot who owns the red truck would move it."
"OK," he replied. "I will."     (RD2013, Nov. p.64)

O Daylight Robbery
I rang up for some car insurance the other day, and the guy asked, "Do you park it it in the street?"
I said. "Yeah, I'm having problems squeezing it into the spare room."
He said, "As opposed to a garage."
I said, "Yes, I park it in the street."
He said, "Is it a well-lit street?"
I said, "No, it's a dark street."
He said, "Oh dear, have you any car alarms?"
I said, "No, nothing."
He said, "What part of the city do you live in?"
So I told him my address, and he came round and nicked it.    (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
他說 :「你把住址給我。」

O Pet Psychology
A dog thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. They must be my gods.
A cat thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. I must be their god.    (RD2013, Nov. p.56)

O Mybacknophobia
When I told my wife there was a huge spider in the bath, she screamed and said, "Put it outside!"
Now I've got a hernia - those old bathtubs can be pretty heavy...     (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
當我告訴我老婆說浴缸裡有一隻大蜘蛛時,她立即尖叫起來,說:「把牠弄出去!」 結果現在我患了疝氣——那種舊式浴缸實在有夠重……

O Deep breather
My sister has asthma. In the middle of an attack, she got an obscene phone call. The bloke said, "Did I call you or did you call me?"      (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
O Long distance call
A few years ago I was working in an HR department. We were very busy one week because an employee had rung in saying his grandmother had died and he had to go to her funeral. When he returned to work, our manager went up to him and asked, "Do you believe in life after death?"
"Yes, sir," he replied.
"I've had confirmation too," our manager said. "On the day of your grandmother's funeral, she rang this office to speak to you."     (RD2013, Nov. p.65)

O Lost in Translation
I was working as an interpreter at a hospital when I found myself in the middle of an odd conversation. The doctor warned his patient, "By drinking and smoking as much as you do, you're killing yourself slowly."
The patient just nodded. "That's fine. I'm not in any hurry."    (RD2013, Nov. p.65)

O The UN was not set up to get us into heaven, but only to save us from hell.     Winston Churchill    (RD2013, Nov. p.97)

O Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward.     Nelson Mandela, from Long Walk to Freedom, 1995    (RD2013, Nov. p.97)

O The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.     (RD 2013, Nov. p.97)

O Chat Check
Just dialled the wrong person on Skype. Guess I made a Skypo.     (RD 2013, Nov. p.109)


O Banned Practice
I would never let my kids watch the opera. Too much sax and violins.    (RD 2013, Oct. p.60)
【譯註1】性與暴力(sex and violence)皆不宜兒童觀看,但這裡是sax and violins(薩克斯風與小提琴),發音非常相近,而意思完全不同

O Belly laughs
Nine months pregnant with twins, I bellied up to the supermarket meat section in search of the perfect roast. The butcher appeared from the back and asked, "May I help you?"
"No thanks," I said. "I'm just looking."
A minute later, he returned. "Can I help you?"
"No, I'm just looking," I repeated.
A few minutes later he appeared yet again, asking the same annoying question.
"I'm just looking!" I said testily.
"In that case, ma'am," he said politely, "would you please step back a bit? Your stomach is pressing our service bell."      (RD 2013, Sep. p.103)


O Zoo life is a dull life. So in an effort to liven things up for their chimp Gina, zookeepers in Seville, Spain, installed a TV set in her cage and then taught the little simian how to use the remote. Gina took to it quickly. While channel surfing, Gina discovered the porn station, to which she is now addicted.   (RD 2013, Sep. p.S11)

O Self-deceiver
I recently found myself stuck on the phone with a man asking me to change my electricity provider. His sales patter carried on for ten minutes, and he wasn't taking no for an answer. In the end, I told him there was someone ringing the doorbell and that I needed to go. Hanging up, I rushed to open the front door - then I remembered I'd been lying.    (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
最近我被一個推銷員在電話裡緊迫盯人,要我改用他們電力公司的電。他鼓其三寸不爛之舌講了十分鐘,我一直說不都沒用。最後沒辦法,我只好騙他說有人在按門鈴,我必須掛電話。我掛上電話之後,立刻衝到前門,打開大門後才想起來 剛才我是在騙人的。

O When a friend gets sick, you want to help ease their pain and offer hope. But common words of cheer or empathy can have unintended effects. Here's what to never - and always - say to someone coping with chronic illness.
Don't say:
1. "You look so good!" Though this may be intended as a compliment, it can imply, "You can't    really be sick. You look fine to me," which invalidates a person's pain.
2. "At least you can stop work! That must be nice." Bing physically unable to work can cause serious depression. Those with illness may have high medical bills and financial worries. They also don't have as much free time as you think. Medical appointments, paper work and pain symptoms take up a lot of hours.
3. "Illness is caused by stress. If you relax more, you'll feel better!" While illness can be exaggerated by stress, it's rarely the sole cause, which is likely a mix of genetic and environmental factors. Comments like these can make people feel even more stressed.
1.「你的氣色不錯嘛!」這也許是一句恭維的話,但可能被解釋為:「我看你很好啊!你不是真的有病吧。」 這無疑是在傷口上灑鹽。
Do say:
1. "I don't know what to say, but I care about you." You don't have to fix things. It may be better to just admit, "I have no idea what you are going through, but I am here if you need to vent."
2. "If you need to cry, I've got plenty of tissues." Between the emotions certain medications cause and the stress of illness on our families and finances, we occasionally just need a good cry. Instead of being one more person who says, "Don't cry," be the friend who sits with us as we let it out.
3. "I'm going to the shop. What can I get for you?" If you're running errands, let your friend know in advance so he or she can write a short list. Picking up heavy groceries may be especially helpful.    (RD 2013, Sep. p.18)


O Insight comes, more often than not, from looking at what's been on the table all along.     David McCoullough, historian     (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)

O I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list.     Susan Sontag, author.    (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)

O In pursuit of your passions, always be young. In your relationships with others, be a grown-up.    Tom Brokaw, Journalist      (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)

O Soldier on
Just before I was deployed with my unit, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."
"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?!"     (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)


O Plane Crazy
When passengers complain, flight attendants listen. Here are some of the more bizarre things they've heard:
1. One attendant was asked if she could turn down the noise of the engines as they were too loud.
2. Midflight, a passenger asked if I could crack open a window because it was too stuffy.
3. A man who didn't like our food service suggested I arrange it buffet style so that passengers could help themselves.     (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
1. 有一位空服員被問說,是否可將飛機引擎的聲音調小聲一點,太吵了。
2. 在飛行途中,有一位乘客問說是否可以打開窗子,機艙裡面太悶了。
3. 有一位乘客不喜歡我們提供的餐點,建議我改採自助餐的方式,讓乘客可以自行取用。

O What's in a Name?
There are dozens of poorly thought-out web addresses, often from companies who bundled their innocent-sounding names into a single word without noticing the resulting double entendres. Here are some:
1. (Art designers) Speed of Art = speedofart.com
2. (Advice columnist) Benjamin Dover = bendover.com
3. (Educational site) Teachers Talking = teacherstalking.com
4. (Clothes for kids) Childrens wear = childrenswear.co.uk
5. (Accommodation) IHA Vegas Holiday Reantals = ihavegas.com
6. (Travel site) Choose spain = choosespain.com

1.      (藝術設計公司) 藝術飆速 = 有屁快放.com
2.      (解疑專欄作者) 班哲民˙竇佛 = 矯枉過正.com
3.      (教育網站) 老師開講 = 老師跟屁.com
4.      (兒童服飾) 兒童服飾 = 小孩罵髒話.co.uk
5.      (房間出租業) IHA維加斯假日房間出租 = 我放屁.com
6.      (旅遊網站) 指定西班牙 = 選擇痛苦.com

O Noise-cancelling Joke
Frustrated by noisy neighbors one evening, my teenage son suggested my husband go round and tell them one of his corny jokes.
"But Dad's jokes aren't funny," I reminded him.
"Exactly!" my son replied. "They are usually followed by complete silence."      (RD 2013, Sep. p.55)

O Make yourself at home
My friend Janet and I  decided to check out a little boutique in the country. While we were examining the china, curios and hand-crocheted tablecloths, a man appeared.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
"No, thank you," I said. "We are just browsing in your lovely boutique."
He politely responded," The boutique is downstairs. This is our living room."    (RD 2013, Aug. p.47)


O On a business trip to New Orleans, my son-in-law Mike bought a set of expensive kitchen knives for his wife. His co-worker was surprised. "You shouldn't buy such an expensive gift for your wife on a business trip," he said, "She'll think you've been up to something."
"If I'd been up to something," Mike replies, "I wouldn't be bringing her knives."     (RD 2013, Aug. p.46)

O Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't.    --- Bill Nye    (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
你接觸到的每個人, 都有你值得學習之處。   --- 比爾.奈(美國名電視主持人)

O Excellence is ...
... not a singular act; it's a habbit. You are what you repeatedly do.   --- Shaquille O'Neal     (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)

並不是單一行為,而是一種習慣;你的行為習慣塑造了你。 --- 歐尼爾(美國籃球明星)   (RD 2013, 8月號, 97)

O Fairytale Overdose
My four-year-old daughter Aditi asked me this morning, "Mummy, when are you going to die?" A little taken aback, I asked why she wanted to know. "Because, Mummy, once you die I'll be able to get a stepmother - and then I can meet my Prince Charming."     (RD 2013, Aug. p.57)

我的四歲女兒阿蒂今早問我說:「媽咪,妳甚麼時候會死?」我心裡一驚,問她為甚麼問這種問題。她說:「因為如果妳死了,我就會有一個壞後母,然後會有一個英俊的王子來救我。」    ( RD 2013, 8月號, 57)
O Life Is ...
... under no obligation to give us what we expect.  --- Margaret Mitchell    (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)

人生 ...
... 沒有理由一切如人所願o   --- 米雀兒(美國作家)     (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)

O Trust Is ...
...like a mirror: You can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see that crack in the reflection. --- Lady Gaga    (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)

誠信 ...
... 好比一面鏡子, 打破了可以修補, 但照鏡子時仍然可看到裂痕o  --- 女神卡卡    (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)

Prevent Cancers

Quit smoking. Smoking dramatically raises the risk for 15 different cancers and interferes with your immune system’s ability to fight off malignant cells. Ask your doctor about programs to quit.

Get moving. There’s strong evidence that physical activity lessens the risk of many cancers. Sports medicine experts strongly recommend that cancer survivors avoid inactivity (even during tough treatments) and, to the extent they are able, work up to 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week.

Shed excess kilos. Obesity increases breast, colorectal, endometrial, esophageal, kidney, and pancreatic cancer risk. Excess weight may contribute to cancer risk by altering levels of hormones and weakening the immune system.

Cut back on alcohol. A little alcohol can be good for your heart, but too much is a major cause of liver cancer and also raises the risk of malignancies of the mouth, throat, esophagus and colon. Women who have survived breast cancer in one breast and consume more than seven alcoholic beverages a week are more likely to develop a primary breast cancer in the other breast.   (RD2013, May, p.S16)


要戒菸 抽菸會大大提高15種癌症的罹患率,並且會干擾你的免疫系統對抗惡性細胞的能力。請諮詢你的醫生如何參加戒菸。

要多動 實驗證明,身體活動可以減少許多癌症的風險。運動醫學專家們強烈建議,癌症病患絕對要多動,即使在下重藥治療期間。衡量個人身體狀況,每週要有150分鐘的溫和運動。
要減重 肥胖會提高乳癌、直腸癌、乳癌、子宮頸癌、食道癌、腎臟癌、及胰臟癌的風險;其原因是肥胖會改變體內激素的分泌水平,並且弱化身體的免疫系統。
少喝酒 少量的酒也許對心臟有益,但喝多了會變成肝癌的主要原因,同時也會增加口腔癌、喉癌、食道癌、及直腸癌的罹患率。曾經單側罹患乳癌的婦女,如果每週喝超過七罐含酒精飲料,則另一側會引發乳癌初期症狀的風險會大大提高。

I called a patient to confirm an appointment with the doctor I work for, and her husband answered.
“Hello, may I speak with Anna?” I asked.
“Who? ” he said.
“No, Anna.”
“Who is this?”
“This is the doctor’s office calling for Anna.”
“The doctor’s office calling to speak with Anna.”
“Oh, Anna,” he said.
“You’d better talk to me; Anna is hard of hearing.”   (RD2013, May, p.67)

「不是安啦, 是安娜!」
(RD2013, 5月號, 67)