Reader's Digest
O Best of enemies
Spotted on a church signboard: "Love your enemies. After all, you made them." Barbara Telecsan (RD2013, Nov. p.89)
在某教會的看板上看到：「要愛你的仇敵；畢竟，他們是你製造出來的。」
O Life Lesson
The first great rule in life is to put upwith things; the second is to refuse to put up with things; and the third, and hardest, is to be able to distinguish between the first two. Sydney J. Harris (RD2013, Nov. p.45)
人生守則第一條：要會忍耐；第二條：要會拒絕忍耐。第三條(最難做到的一條)：要會辨別何時適用第一條、何時適用第二條。
O Excuses, excuses
Four actual - but less than plausible - reasons given for missing work:
1. Employee caught a cold from a puppy.
2. Employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
3. Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a delivey truck backed up and dumped flour into her convertible.
4. Employee said a deer bit him during hunting season. (RD2013, Nov. p.63)
員工沒上班常用的四個理由–都是瞎掰的：
1.
有員工說他被小狗傳染到感冒。
2.
有員工說他逛舊貨拍賣場逛太久，頭痛。
3.
有員工說他在咖啡店前面排隊時，有一輛貨車將麵粉倒在她的敞篷車裡。
4. 有員工說他在獵鹿時被鹿咬到。
O Combative
With the help of a 16-tonne forklift, I was loading containers onto an aircraft bound for Afghanistan. My sergeant major stopped by to ask how I was doing.
"Well," I said, "it would be a lot easier if the idiot who owns the red truck would move it."
"OK," he replied. "I will." (RD2013, Nov. p.64)
我正在用16噸的堆高機將一批貨櫃裝上一架即將飛往阿富汗的飛機，此時我的士官長順道來看我做得如何。我說：「還好啦，不過假如開那部紅色貨車的白癡將車子移開一點，工作會更加順利。」
他回答說：「好啦，我去移開。」
O Daylight Robbery
I rang up for some car insurance the other day, and the guy asked, "Do you park it it in the street?"
I said. "Yeah, I'm having problems squeezing it into the spare room."
He said, "As opposed to a garage."
I said, "Yes, I park it in the street."
He said, "Is it a well-lit street?"
I said, "No, it's a dark street."
He said, "Oh dear, have you any car alarms?"
I said, "No, nothing."
He said, "What part of the city do you live in?"
So I told him my address, and he came round and nicked it. (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
最近我打電話到某家汽車保險公司，接電話的人問我：「你通常把車停在路邊嗎？」
我說：「對啊！我的車子擠不進我家客房裡。」
他說：「這麼說，你沒停在車庫裡。」
我說：「沒錯，我通常停在路邊。」
他說：「那條路路燈很亮嗎？」
我說：「不，很暗。」
他說：「這樣啊。那你的車有裝警報器嗎？」
我說：「沒有，甚麼都沒裝。」
他說 ：「你把住址給我。」
於是我告訴他住址；結果他過來把我的車子給偷走了。
O Pet Psychology
A dog thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. They must be my gods.
A cat thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. I must be their god. (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
狗在想：人類給我吃，給我住，給我愛；他們一定是我的神。
貓在想：人類給我吃，給我住，給我愛；我一定是他們的神。
O Mybacknophobia
When I told my wife there was a huge spider in the bath, she screamed and said, "Put it outside!"
Now I've got a hernia - those old bathtubs can be pretty heavy... (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
當我告訴我老婆說浴缸裡有一隻大蜘蛛時，她立即尖叫起來，說：「把牠弄出去！」 結果現在我患了疝氣——那種舊式浴缸實在有夠重……
O Deep breather
My sister has asthma. In the middle of an attack, she got an obscene phone call. The bloke said, "Did I call you or did you call me?" (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
O Long distance call
A few years ago I was working in an HR department. We were very busy one week because an employee had rung in saying his grandmother had died and he had to go to her funeral. When he returned to work, our manager went up to him and asked, "Do you believe in life after death?"
"Yes, sir," he replied.
"I've had confirmation too," our manager said. "On the day of your grandmother's funeral, she rang this office to speak to you." (RD2013, Nov. p.65)
若干年前我在人事室工作時，有一個禮拜特別忙碌，因為有一個同仁打電話來說他祖母去世，他必須參加葬禮。當他銷假上班時，我們的經理走過去問他說：「你相信人死後會復活嗎?」他回答：「我相信，長官。」
我們的經理說：「我也相信，並且已經獲得證實。你祖母葬禮那天，她曾經打電話來辦公室找你呢。」
O Lost in Translation
I was working as an interpreter at a hospital when I found myself in the middle of an odd conversation. The doctor warned his patient, "By drinking and smoking as much as you do, you're killing yourself slowly."
The patient just nodded. "That's fine. I'm not in any hurry." (RD2013, Nov. p.65)
我在一家醫院當翻譯時，曾經聽到一段很怪的對話。一位醫師警告他的病人說：「像你抽菸抽那麼兇，喝酒喝那麼兇，簡直就是慢性自殺！」這位病人馬上點頭說：「沒錯！我做任何事都是慢慢來的。」
O The UN was not set up to get us into heaven, but only to save us from hell. Winston Churchill (RD2013, Nov. p.97)
邱吉爾：「組織聯合國並非讓我們得以上天堂，而是避免下地獄。」
O Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. Nelson Mandela, from Long Walk to Freedom, 1995 (RD2013, Nov. p.97)
樂觀就是頭朝太陽方向，雙腳邁開步伐向前進。
O The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. (RD 2013, Nov. p.97)
這個世界充滿新奇的事物，靜待我們智慧增長後去發現。
O Chat Check
Just dialled the wrong person on Skype. Guess I made a Skypo. (RD 2013, Nov. p.109)
O Banned Practice
I would never let my kids watch the opera. Too much sax and violins. (RD 2013, Oct. p.60)
不宜觀賞
我從不讓孩子們看歌劇，因為太多性與暴力。
【譯註1】性與暴力(sex and violence)皆不宜兒童觀看，但這裡是sax and violins(薩克斯風與小提琴)，發音非常相近，而意思完全不同。
【譯註2】其實歌劇裡的音樂很少用到薩克斯風。
O Belly laughs
Nine months pregnant with twins, I bellied up to the supermarket meat section in search of the perfect roast. The butcher appeared from the back and asked, "May I help you?"
"No thanks," I said. "I'm just looking."
A minute later, he returned. "Can I help you?"
"No, I'm just looking," I repeated.
A few minutes later he appeared yet again, asking the same annoying question.
"I'm just looking!" I said testily.
"In that case, ma'am," he said politely, "would you please step back a bit? Your stomach is pressing our service bell." (RD 2013, Sep. p.103)
O Zoo life is a dull life. So in an effort to liven things up for their chimp Gina, zookeepers in Seville, Spain, installed a TV set in her cage and then taught the little simian how to use the remote. Gina took to it quickly. While channel surfing, Gina discovered the porn station, to which she is now addicted. (RD 2013, Sep. p.S11)
動物園裡的生活很無聊，因此西班牙塞維亞的動物園人員為了讓園裡的猩猩吉娜「有聊」一點，就在籠子裡幫她裝了一台電視，並且教她使用遙控器；她立刻上手。當她瀏覽各頻道時，發現了一個色情台；從此她就看上癮了。
O Self-deceiver
I recently found myself stuck on the phone with a man asking me to change my electricity provider. His sales patter carried on for ten minutes, and he wasn't taking no for an answer. In the end, I told him there was someone ringing the doorbell and that I needed to go. Hanging up, I rushed to open the front door - then I remembered I'd been lying. (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
O When a friend gets sick, you want to help ease their pain and offer hope. But common words of cheer or empathy can have unintended effects. Here's what to never - and always - say to someone coping with chronic illness.
有朋友病了，我們通常會想去減輕他們的痛苦，給他們打氣。但一般鼓勵或同情的話語，常會產生意想不到的反效果。下面是對罹患慢性疾病的人該說及不該說的話。
Don't say:
1. "You look so good!" Though this may be intended as a compliment, it can imply, "You can't really be sick. You look fine to me," which invalidates a person's pain.
2. "At least you can stop work! That must be nice." Bing physically unable to work can cause serious depression. Those with illness may have high medical bills and financial worries. They also don't have as much free time as you think. Medical appointments, paper work and pain symptoms take up a lot of hours.
3. "Illness is caused by stress. If you relax more, you'll feel better!" While illness can be exaggerated by stress, it's rarely the sole cause, which is likely a mix of genetic and environmental factors. Comments like these can make people feel even more stressed.
Do say:
1. "I don't know what to say, but I care about you." You don't have to fix things. It may be better to just admit, "I have no idea what you are going through, but I am here if you need to vent."
2. "If you need to cry, I've got plenty of tissues." Between the emotions certain medications cause and the stress of illness on our families and finances, we occasionally just need a good cry. Instead of being one more person who says, "Don't cry," be the friend who sits with us as we let it out.
3. "I'm going to the shop. What can I get for you?" If you're running errands, let your friend know in advance so he or she can write a short list. Picking up heavy groceries may be especially helpful. (RD 2013, Sep. p.18)
【譯註】以上是西方人的說法。由於文化上的差異，在我們的社會裡，恐怕有時該說的話和不該說的話剛好跟他們相反；這一點請特別注意。
O Insight comes, more often than not, from looking at what's been on the table all along. David McCoullough, historian (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
所謂深入的見解，通常來自於觀察台面上稀鬆平常的事物。
O I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list. Susan Sontag, author. (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
我從未到處走透透，但都已列在行程表中。
O In pursuit of your passions, always be young. In your relationships with others, be a grown-up. Tom Brokaw, Journalist (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
追求理想時，保持年輕；與人相處時，務必成熟。
O Soldier on
Just before I was deployed with my unit, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."
"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?!" (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
O Plane Crazy
When passengers complain, flight attendants listen. Here are some of the more bizarre things they've heard:
1. One attendant was asked if she could turn down the noise of the engines as they were too loud.
2. Midflight, a passenger asked if I could crack open a window because it was too stuffy.
3. A man who didn't like our food service suggested I arrange it buffet style so that passengers could help themselves. (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
在飛機上，若乘客有抱怨，空服員只有傾聽的份，下面是他們聽到最扯的事情：
1. 有一位空服員被問說，是否可將飛機引擎的聲音調小聲一點，太吵了。
2. 在飛行途中，有一位乘客問說是否可以打開窗子，機艙裡面太悶了。
3. 有一位乘客不喜歡我們提供的餐點，建議我改採自助餐的方式，讓乘客可以自行取用。
O What's in a Name?
There are dozens of poorly thought-out web addresses, often from companies who bundled their innocent-sounding names into a single word without noticing the resulting double entendres. Here are some:
1. (Art designers) Speed of Art = speedofart.com
2. (Advice columnist) Benjamin Dover = bendover.com
3. (Educational site) Teachers Talking = teacherstalking.com
4. (Clothes for kids) Childrens wear = childrenswear.co.uk
5. (Accommodation) IHA Vegas Holiday Reantals = ihavegas.com
6. (Travel site) Choose spain = choosespain.com
O Noise-cancelling Joke
Frustrated by noisy neighbors one evening, my teenage son suggested my husband go round and tell them one of his corny jokes.
"But Dad's jokes aren't funny," I reminded him.
"Exactly!" my son replied. "They are usually followed by complete silence." (RD 2013, Sep. p.55)
可消除噪音的笑話
有一個晚上我們被吵鬧的鄰居搞得不知怎麼辦時，我那十幾歲的兒子建議我老公過去向他們講一個老笑話。我說：「不過你爸的笑話一點都不好笑。」
我兒子回答說：「當然不好笑，所以講完後保證一片死寂。」
O Make yourself at home
My friend Janet and I decided to check out a little boutique in the country. While we were examining the china, curios and hand-crocheted tablecloths, a man appeared.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
"No, thank you," I said. "We are just browsing in your lovely boutique."
He politely responded," The boutique is downstairs. This is our living room." (RD 2013, Aug. p.47)
With the help of a 16-tonne forklift, I was loading containers onto an aircraft bound for Afghanistan. My sergeant major stopped by to ask how I was doing.
"Well," I said, "it would be a lot easier if the idiot who owns the red truck would move it."
"OK," he replied. "I will." (RD2013, Nov. p.64)
我正在用16噸的堆高機將一批貨櫃裝上一架即將飛往阿富汗的飛機，此時我的士官長順道來看我做得如何。我說：「還好啦，不過假如開那部紅色貨車的白癡將車子移開一點，工作會更加順利。」
他回答說：「好啦，我去移開。」
O Daylight Robbery
I rang up for some car insurance the other day, and the guy asked, "Do you park it it in the street?"
I said. "Yeah, I'm having problems squeezing it into the spare room."
He said, "As opposed to a garage."
I said, "Yes, I park it in the street."
He said, "Is it a well-lit street?"
I said, "No, it's a dark street."
He said, "Oh dear, have you any car alarms?"
I said, "No, nothing."
He said, "What part of the city do you live in?"
So I told him my address, and he came round and nicked it. (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
最近我打電話到某家汽車保險公司，接電話的人問我：「你通常把車停在路邊嗎？」
我說：「對啊！我的車子擠不進我家客房裡。」
他說：「這麼說，你沒停在車庫裡。」
我說：「沒錯，我通常停在路邊。」
他說：「那條路路燈很亮嗎？」
我說：「不，很暗。」
他說：「這樣啊。那你的車有裝警報器嗎？」
我說：「沒有，甚麼都沒裝。」
他說 ：「你把住址給我。」
於是我告訴他住址；結果他過來把我的車子給偷走了。
O Pet Psychology
A dog thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. They must be my gods.
A cat thinks: The humans offer me food, love and shelter. I must be their god. (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
狗在想：人類給我吃，給我住，給我愛；他們一定是我的神。
貓在想：人類給我吃，給我住，給我愛；我一定是他們的神。
O Mybacknophobia
When I told my wife there was a huge spider in the bath, she screamed and said, "Put it outside!"
Now I've got a hernia - those old bathtubs can be pretty heavy... (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
當我告訴我老婆說浴缸裡有一隻大蜘蛛時，她立即尖叫起來，說：「把牠弄出去！」 結果現在我患了疝氣——那種舊式浴缸實在有夠重……
O Deep breather
My sister has asthma. In the middle of an attack, she got an obscene phone call. The bloke said, "Did I call you or did you call me?" (RD2013, Nov. p.57)
我妹妹有氣喘病；有一次發作時，剛好接到一通騷擾電話。那個無聊男子說：「咦！是我曾經打電話給妳，還是妳打過電話給我？」
【譯註】打騷擾電話的傢伙通常不講話，只發出喘氣聲，跟氣喘病患發出的沉重呼吸聲類似。A few years ago I was working in an HR department. We were very busy one week because an employee had rung in saying his grandmother had died and he had to go to her funeral. When he returned to work, our manager went up to him and asked, "Do you believe in life after death?"
"Yes, sir," he replied.
"I've had confirmation too," our manager said. "On the day of your grandmother's funeral, she rang this office to speak to you." (RD2013, Nov. p.65)
若干年前我在人事室工作時，有一個禮拜特別忙碌，因為有一個同仁打電話來說他祖母去世，他必須參加葬禮。當他銷假上班時，我們的經理走過去問他說：「你相信人死後會復活嗎?」他回答：「我相信，長官。」
我們的經理說：「我也相信，並且已經獲得證實。你祖母葬禮那天，她曾經打電話來辦公室找你呢。」
O Lost in Translation
I was working as an interpreter at a hospital when I found myself in the middle of an odd conversation. The doctor warned his patient, "By drinking and smoking as much as you do, you're killing yourself slowly."
The patient just nodded. "That's fine. I'm not in any hurry." (RD2013, Nov. p.65)
我在一家醫院當翻譯時，曾經聽到一段很怪的對話。一位醫師警告他的病人說：「像你抽菸抽那麼兇，喝酒喝那麼兇，簡直就是慢性自殺！」這位病人馬上點頭說：「沒錯！我做任何事都是慢慢來的。」
O The UN was not set up to get us into heaven, but only to save us from hell. Winston Churchill (RD2013, Nov. p.97)
邱吉爾：「組織聯合國並非讓我們得以上天堂，而是避免下地獄。」
O Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. Nelson Mandela, from Long Walk to Freedom, 1995 (RD2013, Nov. p.97)
樂觀就是頭朝太陽方向，雙腳邁開步伐向前進。
O The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. (RD 2013, Nov. p.97)
這個世界充滿新奇的事物，靜待我們智慧增長後去發現。
O Chat Check
Just dialled the wrong person on Skype. Guess I made a Skypo. (RD 2013, Nov. p.109)
剛才我在網路電話(Skype)上撥錯了號碼；我猜這應該叫做Skypo。
【譯註】在鍵盤上打字(Type)時若打錯字，英文叫做「Typo」；同理可證，在網路電話(Skype)上撥錯了號碼；當然應該叫做Skypo啦！
O Banned Practice
I would never let my kids watch the opera. Too much sax and violins. (RD 2013, Oct. p.60)
不宜觀賞
我從不讓孩子們看歌劇，因為太多性與暴力。
【譯註1】性與暴力(sex and violence)皆不宜兒童觀看，但這裡是sax and violins(薩克斯風與小提琴)，發音非常相近，而意思完全不同。
【譯註2】其實歌劇裡的音樂很少用到薩克斯風。
O Belly laughs
Nine months pregnant with twins, I bellied up to the supermarket meat section in search of the perfect roast. The butcher appeared from the back and asked, "May I help you?"
"No thanks," I said. "I'm just looking."
A minute later, he returned. "Can I help you?"
"No, I'm just looking," I repeated.
A few minutes later he appeared yet again, asking the same annoying question.
"I'm just looking!" I said testily.
"In that case, ma'am," he said politely, "would you please step back a bit? Your stomach is pressing our service bell." (RD 2013, Sep. p.103)
我懷雙胞胎九個月時，挺著大肚子到超市的肉品部，想找看看有沒有上好的燒烤用牛肉。這時切肉師傅從裡面走出來問說：「要我幫忙嗎？」我說：「不用，我只是隨便看看。」
一分鐘後他又來了，問說：「要我幫忙嗎？」
我重複一遍：「不用，我只是隨便看看。」
幾分鐘後，他又來問同樣那句令人困擾的話。我沒好氣地說：「我只是隨便看看啦！」
他很有禮貌地說：「那麼，是否請你稍微後退一點？因為妳的肚子一直壓在服務鈴上。」O Zoo life is a dull life. So in an effort to liven things up for their chimp Gina, zookeepers in Seville, Spain, installed a TV set in her cage and then taught the little simian how to use the remote. Gina took to it quickly. While channel surfing, Gina discovered the porn station, to which she is now addicted. (RD 2013, Sep. p.S11)
動物園裡的生活很無聊，因此西班牙塞維亞的動物園人員為了讓園裡的猩猩吉娜「有聊」一點，就在籠子裡幫她裝了一台電視，並且教她使用遙控器；她立刻上手。當她瀏覽各頻道時，發現了一個色情台；從此她就看上癮了。
O Self-deceiver
I recently found myself stuck on the phone with a man asking me to change my electricity provider. His sales patter carried on for ten minutes, and he wasn't taking no for an answer. In the end, I told him there was someone ringing the doorbell and that I needed to go. Hanging up, I rushed to open the front door - then I remembered I'd been lying. (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
騙到自己
最近我被一個推銷員在電話裡緊迫盯人，要我改用他們電力公司的電。他鼓其三寸不爛之舌講了十分鐘，我一直說不都沒用。最後沒辦法，我只好騙他說有人在按門鈴，我必須掛電話。我掛上電話之後，立刻衝到前門，打開大門後才想起來 – 剛才我是在騙人的。O When a friend gets sick, you want to help ease their pain and offer hope. But common words of cheer or empathy can have unintended effects. Here's what to never - and always - say to someone coping with chronic illness.
有朋友病了，我們通常會想去減輕他們的痛苦，給他們打氣。但一般鼓勵或同情的話語，常會產生意想不到的反效果。下面是對罹患慢性疾病的人該說及不該說的話。
Don't say:
1. "You look so good!" Though this may be intended as a compliment, it can imply, "You can't really be sick. You look fine to me," which invalidates a person's pain.
2. "At least you can stop work! That must be nice." Bing physically unable to work can cause serious depression. Those with illness may have high medical bills and financial worries. They also don't have as much free time as you think. Medical appointments, paper work and pain symptoms take up a lot of hours.
3. "Illness is caused by stress. If you relax more, you'll feel better!" While illness can be exaggerated by stress, it's rarely the sole cause, which is likely a mix of genetic and environmental factors. Comments like these can make people feel even more stressed.
不該說的話：
1.「你的氣色不錯嘛！」這也許是一句恭維的話，但可能被解釋為：「我看你很好啊！你不是真的有病吧。」 這無疑是在傷口上灑鹽。
2.「至少你不用上班了，好棒喔！」身體狀況無法勝任工作往往會造成嚴重的沮喪。生病的人也許要擔心高額的醫藥費及經常開銷；他們也不是你想像的空閒，看醫生、填寫各種文件、處理痛苦的症狀等，都要花很多時間。
3.「生病通常是壓力引起的；放輕鬆！你自然會好起來。」有些病也許是壓力引發的，但這不是唯一的原因；先天及後天的諸多因素都有可能。說這句話只會讓聽者壓力更大。Do say:
1. "I don't know what to say, but I care about you." You don't have to fix things. It may be better to just admit, "I have no idea what you are going through, but I am here if you need to vent."
2. "If you need to cry, I've got plenty of tissues." Between the emotions certain medications cause and the stress of illness on our families and finances, we occasionally just need a good cry. Instead of being one more person who says, "Don't cry," be the friend who sits with us as we let it out.
3. "I'm going to the shop. What can I get for you?" If you're running errands, let your friend know in advance so he or she can write a short list. Picking up heavy groceries may be especially helpful. (RD 2013, Sep. p.18)
該說的話：
1.「我不知道該說甚麼，但我很關心你。」你不需要處理任何事情；最好的作法是告訴他：「我不曉得你現在的心情，但假如你有話要說的話，我會陪伴著你。」
2.「如果想哭的話，我這裡有很多衛生紙。」在某些醫療過程產生的情緒變化，以及因生病導致家人及經濟上的壓力之雙重打擊之下，我們有時需要痛哭一場。此時大多數人會說：「不要哭」；但身為朋友，應該陪伴在身旁聽他盡情傾述。
3.「我正想去買點東西；需要我幫你買些甚麼嗎？」如果你打算幫他跑跑腿，要事先告訴他，讓他(或她)能列出一張清單；最好能夠幫他買一些較重的東西，如蔬菜水果之類。【譯註】以上是西方人的說法。由於文化上的差異，在我們的社會裡，恐怕有時該說的話和不該說的話剛好跟他們相反；這一點請特別注意。
O Insight comes, more often than not, from looking at what's been on the table all along. David McCoullough, historian (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
所謂深入的見解，通常來自於觀察台面上稀鬆平常的事物。
O I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list. Susan Sontag, author. (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
我從未到處走透透，但都已列在行程表中。
O In pursuit of your passions, always be young. In your relationships with others, be a grown-up. Tom Brokaw, Journalist (RD 2013, Sep. p.97)
追求理想時，保持年輕；與人相處時，務必成熟。
O Soldier on
Just before I was deployed with my unit, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."
"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?!" (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
我跟我服役的單位被調動之前，我叫我八歲的兒子坐下來，告訴他這個消息。我說：「我要離開一段很長的時間，因為我將被派往伊拉克。」
他問：「為甚麼要去伊拉克？你不知道那邊正在打仗嗎？」O Plane Crazy
When passengers complain, flight attendants listen. Here are some of the more bizarre things they've heard:
1. One attendant was asked if she could turn down the noise of the engines as they were too loud.
2. Midflight, a passenger asked if I could crack open a window because it was too stuffy.
3. A man who didn't like our food service suggested I arrange it buffet style so that passengers could help themselves. (RD 2013, Sep. p.79)
在飛機上，若乘客有抱怨，空服員只有傾聽的份，下面是他們聽到最扯的事情：
1. 有一位空服員被問說，是否可將飛機引擎的聲音調小聲一點，太吵了。
2. 在飛行途中，有一位乘客問說是否可以打開窗子，機艙裡面太悶了。
3. 有一位乘客不喜歡我們提供的餐點，建議我改採自助餐的方式，讓乘客可以自行取用。
O What's in a Name?
There are dozens of poorly thought-out web addresses, often from companies who bundled their innocent-sounding names into a single word without noticing the resulting double entendres. Here are some:
1. (Art designers) Speed of Art = speedofart.com
2. (Advice columnist) Benjamin Dover = bendover.com
3. (Educational site) Teachers Talking = teacherstalking.com
4. (Clothes for kids) Childrens wear = childrenswear.co.uk
5. (Accommodation) IHA Vegas Holiday Reantals = ihavegas.com
6. (Travel site) Choose spain = choosespain.com
有許多廠商網站的網址，由於命名時考慮不周，將本來好好的名稱湊成一個字時，變成意想不到的雙關語，茲舉數例如下：
1.
(藝術設計公司) 藝術飆速 = 有屁快放.com
2.
(解疑專欄作者) 班哲民˙竇佛 = 矯枉過正.com
3.
(教育網站) 老師開講
= 老師跟屁.com
4.
(兒童服飾) 兒童服飾
= 小孩罵髒話.co.uk
5.
(房間出租業) IHA維加斯假日房間出租 = 我放屁.com
6.
(旅遊網站) 指定西班牙
= 選擇痛苦.com
O Noise-cancelling Joke
Frustrated by noisy neighbors one evening, my teenage son suggested my husband go round and tell them one of his corny jokes.
"But Dad's jokes aren't funny," I reminded him.
"Exactly!" my son replied. "They are usually followed by complete silence." (RD 2013, Sep. p.55)
可消除噪音的笑話
有一個晚上我們被吵鬧的鄰居搞得不知怎麼辦時，我那十幾歲的兒子建議我老公過去向他們講一個老笑話。我說：「不過你爸的笑話一點都不好笑。」
我兒子回答說：「當然不好笑，所以講完後保證一片死寂。」
O Make yourself at home
My friend Janet and I decided to check out a little boutique in the country. While we were examining the china, curios and hand-crocheted tablecloths, a man appeared.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
"No, thank you," I said. "We are just browsing in your lovely boutique."
He politely responded," The boutique is downstairs. This is our living room." (RD 2013, Aug. p.47)
我跟我的朋友甄妮到村裡一間小骨董店閒逛；當我們在那裡鑑賞瓷器、擺飾、和手編桌巾時，一個男人過來了，問道：「需要我效勞嗎？」
我說：「不用，謝謝！我們只是來你這間可愛的骨董店逛逛而已。」
他很有禮貌地回答說：「骨董店在樓下喔！這裡是我們的客廳。」
O On a business trip to New Orleans, my son-in-law Mike bought a set of expensive kitchen knives for his wife. His co-worker was surprised. "You shouldn't buy such an expensive gift for your wife on a business trip," he said, "She'll think you've been up to something."
"If I'd been up to something," Mike replies, "I wouldn't be bringing her knives." (RD 2013, Aug. p.46)
我的女婿麥可到紐奧良出差時，買了一套很貴的菜刀送給老婆；他的同事大驚小怪說：「你出差時不應該買這麼貴的禮物送給老婆；她會懷疑你是不是幹了甚麼虧心事。」麥可回答說：「如果我幹了虧心事，我才不會買菜刀送她呢！」
O Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't. --- Bill Nye (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
你接觸到的每個人， 都有你值得學習之處。 --- 比爾.奈(美國名電視主持人)
O Excellence is ...
... not a singular act; it's a habbit. You are what you repeatedly do. --- Shaquille O'Neal (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
O Fairytale Overdose
My four-year-old daughter Aditi asked me this morning, "Mummy, when are you going to die?" A little taken aback, I asked why she wanted to know. "Because, Mummy, once you die I'll be able to get a stepmother - and then I can meet my Prince Charming." (RD 2013, Aug. p.57)
"If I'd been up to something," Mike replies, "I wouldn't be bringing her knives." (RD 2013, Aug. p.46)
我的女婿麥可到紐奧良出差時，買了一套很貴的菜刀送給老婆；他的同事大驚小怪說：「你出差時不應該買這麼貴的禮物送給老婆；她會懷疑你是不是幹了甚麼虧心事。」麥可回答說：「如果我幹了虧心事，我才不會買菜刀送她呢！」
O Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't. --- Bill Nye (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
你接觸到的每個人， 都有你值得學習之處。 --- 比爾.奈(美國名電視主持人)
O Excellence is ...
... not a singular act; it's a habbit. You are what you repeatedly do. --- Shaquille O'Neal (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
卓越…
… 並不是單一行為，而是一種習慣；你的行為習慣塑造了你。 --- 歐尼爾(美國籃球明星) (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)O Fairytale Overdose
My four-year-old daughter Aditi asked me this morning, "Mummy, when are you going to die?" A little taken aback, I asked why she wanted to know. "Because, Mummy, once you die I'll be able to get a stepmother - and then I can meet my Prince Charming." (RD 2013, Aug. p.57)
童話故事看太多了
我的四歲女兒阿蒂今早問我說：「媽咪，妳甚麼時候會死？」我心裡一驚，問她為甚麼問這種問題。她說：「因為如果妳死了，我就會有一個壞後母，然後會有一個英俊的王子來救我。」
( RD 2013, 8月號,
第57頁)
O Life Is ...
... under no obligation to give us what we expect. --- Margaret Mitchell (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
人生 ...
... 沒有理由一切如人所願o --- 米雀兒(美國作家) (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)
O Trust Is ...
...like a mirror: You can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see that crack in the reflection. --- Lady Gaga (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
誠信 ...
... 好比一面鏡子, 打破了可以修補, 但照鏡子時仍然可看到裂痕o --- 女神卡卡 (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)
... under no obligation to give us what we expect. --- Margaret Mitchell (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
人生 ...
... 沒有理由一切如人所願o --- 米雀兒(美國作家) (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)
O Trust Is ...
...like a mirror: You can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see that crack in the reflection. --- Lady Gaga (RD 2013, Aug. p.97)
誠信 ...
... 好比一面鏡子, 打破了可以修補, 但照鏡子時仍然可看到裂痕o --- 女神卡卡 (RD 2013, 8月號, 第97頁)
●
Prevent Cancers
Quit
smoking. Smoking
dramatically raises the risk for 15 different cancers and interferes with your
immune system’s ability to fight off malignant cells. Ask your doctor about
programs to quit.
Get moving. There’s strong
evidence that physical activity lessens the risk of many cancers. Sports
medicine experts strongly recommend that cancer survivors avoid inactivity (even
during tough treatments) and, to the extent they are able, work up to 150
minutes of moderate exercise a week.
Shed excess
kilos. Obesity increases
breast, colorectal, endometrial, esophageal, kidney, and pancreatic cancer risk.
Excess weight may contribute to cancer risk by altering levels of hormones and
weakening the immune system.
Cut back on
alcohol. A little alcohol
can be good for your heart, but too much is a major cause of liver cancer and
also raises the risk of malignancies of the mouth, throat, esophagus and colon.
Women who have survived breast cancer in one breast and consume more than seven
alcoholic beverages a week are more likely to develop a primary breast cancer in
the other breast. (RD2013, May, p.S16)
防癌四要
要戒菸 – 抽菸會大大提高15種癌症的罹患率，並且會干擾你的免疫系統對抗惡性細胞的能力。請諮詢你的醫生如何參加戒菸。
要多動 – 實驗證明，身體活動可以減少許多癌症的風險。運動醫學專家們強烈建議，癌症病患絕對要多動，即使在下重藥治療期間。衡量個人身體狀況，每週要有150分鐘的溫和運動。
要減重 – 肥胖會提高乳癌、直腸癌、乳癌、子宮頸癌、食道癌、腎臟癌、及胰臟癌的風險；其原因是肥胖會改變體內激素的分泌水平，並且弱化身體的免疫系統。
少喝酒 – 少量的酒也許對心臟有益，但喝多了會變成肝癌的主要原因，同時也會增加口腔癌、喉癌、食道癌、及直腸癌的罹患率。曾經單側罹患乳癌的婦女，如果每週喝超過七罐含酒精飲料，則另一側會引發乳癌初期症狀的風險會大大提高。
●
Impatient
I called a patient to confirm an
appointment with the doctor I work for, and her husband answered.
“Hello, may I speak with Anna?” I asked.
“Who? ” he said.
“Anna.”
“Santa?”
“No, Anna.”
“Who is this?”
“This is the doctor’s office calling for
Anna.”
“Who?”
“The doctor’s office calling to speak with
Anna.”
“Oh, Anna,” he said.
“You’d better talk to me; Anna is hard of
hearing.” (RD2013, May, p.67)
重聽
我在一家診所工作。有一次我打電話給一個病人，想確認預約看診的事。她老公接的電話。
我說：「哈囉，請安娜聽電話。」
他說：「妳找誰？」
「我找安娜。」
「妳說安啦？」
「不是安啦, 是安娜！」
「那妳是誰？」
「我這裡是診所，要找安娜。」
「誰？」
「診所啦！我有話要跟安娜說。」
「喔，妳找安娜喔。」他說：「妳最好跟我說，因為安娜有重聽。」
(RD2013, 5月號, 第67頁)
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