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2012年11月14日 星期三

讀者文摘專輯第十二集(22則)




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O Study after study has documented that when women have the opportunity to start business, own land, and receive credit ... entire economies expand.    Hillary Clinton    (RD2014, March., p.97)
許多文獻都有記載說,根據一再的研究結果顯示,如果給予女性們創業的機會,讓她們也可擁有田產,銀行也肯給予信用授信,等等,那麼我們整個經濟一定會繁榮起來。
【譯註】這句話是美國前總統克林頓的夫人希拉蕊說的。可見在美國社會上女性還是受到許多不合理限制。
 
O Gym flunkie
Joining the gym is amazing - such an invigorating way to start the day! Waking up at 7 am and deciding not to go is such a great feeling.    Nat Luurtsema     (RD2014, March., p.53)
報名參加健身房實在有夠棒--可以讓一天有個活力充沛的開始。你只要在7點起床,然後決定不去健身房,這感覺就有夠棒了。
 
O Back to the drawing board
I've just finished my new time machine. Still got a few teething problems, though. So far I can only go forwards in time, and only very slowly.    (RD2014, March., p.52)
我剛完成一部新的時光機;但是有一點小問題,就是它只能往未來而去,而且速度奇慢。
【譯註】這種時光機誰也會做--其實甚麼都不用做,你自然而然就會隨著時間的流逝往未來而去。
 
O Internet security
My wife was checking her emails and told me that her password was  "mickeyminniebatmanrobintomjerryLondon". I asked her why it needed to be so long.
"Because," she replied, "I was told it had to have at least six characters and one capital."     (RD2014, March., p.53)
我太太在查看電子郵件時告訴我說,她設定的密碼是「米奇 米妮 蝙蝠俠 羅賓 湯姆 傑利 倫敦」。我問她為甚麼要用這麼長的密碼。她回答說:「因為電腦要求說必須至少用六個人物(characters)及一個首都(capital)啊。」
【譯註】其實電腦要求的是六個「字母(characters)」,其中一個字母要「大寫(capital)」。
 
O Post posture
I got a letter in the post the other day. It said, "Do not bend."
So I thought, How am I supposed to pick it up?    Lee Mack    (RD2014, March., p.53)
前幾天我從信箱取出一封信,信封上寫著:「請勿折彎(bend)。」
我在想:我不彎腰(bend)怎麼拿得到信啊?
 
O Smart shopper
A man approaches a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife in the aisles. Would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman replies.
"Because every time I speak to a pretty lady, my wife appears out of nowhere."    (RD2014, March., p.52)
在大賣場裡,有一個男人走近一個非常漂亮的女人說:「我跟我太太在走道之間走失了,妳可不可以跟我講幾分鐘的話?」
那女人說:「幹嘛?
「因為每次我跟漂亮女士講話,我太太就會馬上憑空出現。」

讀者文摘專輯第十一集(33則)

Reader's Digest


O A logger, fresh from the big woods, was watching a shop assistant open a package of gaily colored men's pyjamas.
"What's them?" he asked.
"Pyjamas."
"Pyjamas," echoed the logger. "What's are they for?"
"Why, you wear them nights," the shop assistant explained. "Want to buy a pair?"
"Nothing doing," said the logger, "I don't go anywhere nights except to bed."    (RD2014, Jan., p.107)
一位伐木工人剛從大森林裡出來,看到一個店員正在打開一個包裹,裡面是一堆顏色鮮豔的男用睡衣。他問道:「那是甚麼?」
「Pyjamas(睡衣)。」
他隨口應道:「Pyjamas喔...那是幹甚麼用的?
店員解釋說:「嗯,那是人們晚上穿的衣服。要不要買一套?」
伐木工人說:「不用了...我晚上除了上床睡覺,啥地方也不去。」


O One of my co-workers where I used to work was in the reserve forces, and when he was deployed abroad, the boss placed this sticky note on his door: Stepped out. Back in 12 months.      (RD2014, Jan., p.87) 
我以前的一位同事隸屬預備部隊;當他被派到國外服役時,他的老闆在他辦公室門上貼了一張便利貼字條:「有事外出,十二個月後回來。」

O My neighbor, a police officer, pulled someone over for texting while driving. The driver was having none of it. 
"I was not texting!" she insisted indignantly. "I was on Facebook."      (RD2014, Jan., p.87)
我的鄰居是位警官,有一次攔查一個疑似邊開車邊發簡訊的駕駛人,但發現她根本沒在發簡訊。她很憤慨地說:「剛才我沒有發簡訊,我是在上臉書!

O To register her child for our school, a mother filled out a number of forms. For the question "Language spoken at home?" she'd answered: "Generally good language, unless I get mad."        (RD2014, Jan., p.87)
有一位媽媽來我們學校幫她的小孩辦理註冊,填了一大堆表格;其中有一個問題問道:「在家裡講甚麼話(語言)?」她的回答是:「通常都講好話,除非我被惹火了

O I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses. The whole time that the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was, I should really cut my hair.     Bonnie McFariane     (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
我認為警察們不宜戴反光的太陽眼鏡。每次我被他們訓斥時,我只想到一件事:我該去剪頭髮了。

O Whenever I see a man with a beard, a moustache and glasses, I think, Now there is a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.    Carey Marx     (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
我只要看到有人留著大鬍子,配上八字鬍和一副黑框眼鏡,我就會想:這傢伙故意弄成這副德行,恐怕是預防別人在他的照片上胡亂塗鴉的萬全措施。

O Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They are plotting something.    (RD2014, Jan., p.49)
千萬要提防正在畫函數圖形的數學家;他們正在進行某種陰謀。(譯註:這裡的plot是個雙關語,一方面是指畫圖的動作,一方面是圖謀不軌的意思。)

O Our employer installed a suggestion box in hope of easing the tension she feared might follow workflow changes. The staff's ability to keep the atmosphere light, however, was exemplified by the first suggestion.
Stuffed partway through the box's small slot was this advice: "Make this hole bigger."     (RD2013, Classic Reads, p.83)
我們公司老闆設置了一個意見箱,希望藉此緩和緊張關係,以免造成人事的不穩定。這項營造輕鬆氣氛的作法有了正面的回應;第一個建議寫在一張紙上,塞在意見箱狹小的開口,一半露在外面,上面寫道:「把這個洞開大一點!」



2012年10月8日 星期一

讀者文摘專輯第十集(35則)

Reader's Digest


O Best of enemies
Spotted on a church signboard: "Love your enemies. After all, you made them."     Barbara Telecsan     (RD2013, Nov. p.89)
在某教會的看板上看到:「要愛你的仇敵;畢竟,他們是你製造出來的。」

O Life Lesson
The first great rule in life is to put upwith things; the second is to refuse to put up with things; and the third, and hardest, is to be able to distinguish between the first two.    Sydney J. Harris    (RD2013, Nov. p.45)
人生守則第一條:要會忍耐;第二條:要會拒絕忍耐。第三條(最難做到的一條):要會辨別何時適用第一條、何時適用第二條。


O Excuses, excuses
Four actual - but less than plausible - reasons given for missing work:
1. Employee caught a cold from a puppy.
2. Employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
3. Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a delivey truck backed up and dumped flour into her convertible.
4. Employee said a deer bit him during hunting season.     (RD2013, Nov. p.63)

員工沒上班常用的四個理由都是瞎掰的
1.      有員工說他被小狗傳染到感冒。
2.      有員工說他逛舊貨拍賣場逛太久,頭痛。
3.      有員工說他在咖啡店前面排隊時,有一輛貨車將麵粉倒在她的敞篷車裡。
4.   有員工說他在獵鹿時被鹿咬到。
 
O Combative
With the help of a 16-tonne forklift, I was loading containers onto an aircraft bound for Afghanistan. My sergeant major stopped by to ask how I was doing.
"Well," I said, "it would be a lot easier if the idiot who owns the red truck would move it."
"OK," he replied. "I will."     (RD2013, Nov. p.64)
我正在用16噸的堆高機將一批貨櫃裝上一架即將飛往阿富汗的飛機,此時我的士官長順道來看我做得如何。我說:「還好啦,不過假如開那部紅色貨車的白癡將車子移開一點,工作會更加順利。」
他回答說:「好啦,我去移開。」

O Daylight Robbery
I rang up for some car insurance the other day, and the guy asked, "Do you park it it in the street?"
I said. "Yeah, I'm having problems squeezing it into the spare room."
He said, "As opposed to a garage."
I said, "Yes, I park it in the street."
He said, "Is it a well-lit street?"
I said, "No, it's a dark street."
He said, "Oh dear, have you any car alarms?"
I said, "No, nothing."
He said, "What part of the city do you live in?"
So I told him my address, and he came round and nicked it.    (RD2013, Nov. p.56)
最近我打電話到某家汽車保險公司,接電話的人問我:「你通常把車停在路邊嗎?」
我說:「對啊!我的車子擠不進我家客房裡。」
他說:「這麼說,你沒停在車庫裡。」
我說:「沒錯,我通常停在路邊。」
他說:「那條路路燈很亮嗎?」
我說:「不,很暗。」
他說:「這樣啊。那你的車有裝警報器嗎?」
我說:「沒有,甚麼都沒裝。」
他說 :「你把住址給我。」
於是我告訴他住址;結果他過來把我的車子給偷走了。

2012年9月21日 星期五

讀者文摘專輯第九集(32則)

Reader's Digest


 

 

   Make a Wish
I work at a photo/electronics business, and very occasionally – usually around Christmas – customers will bring in their old film projectors for attention. One day the intercom buzzed in my workshop and a voice said, “Harry, will you come down to the shop? There’s a lad in about a lamp.”    (RD2013, April, p.58)

許個願
我在一家光學/電器行工作;經常有顧客(尤其在聖誕節前後)帶著他們的舊式投影機上門要求修裡。有一天,我的工作室裡的對講機傳來一個聲音,說道:「哈利,你可不可以下來一下?有人要修裡阿拉丁神燈。[]

[]:其實我聽錯了,不是甚麼阿拉丁(Aladdin)神燈,而是有個男孩來店(a lad in)要換投影機的燈泡。    (RD2013, 四月號, 58)


   Naughty Men
Some workmen were fixing potholes on our street recently, which prompted my three-year-old to come running into the kitchen. “Mum! Can I go and watch the men digging a hole in the road?” he asked.
A little worried about the traffic, I began to form a “no” when he forestalled me by adding, “It’s OK, Mum – they’re not naughty men!”
Swiftly changing tack, I asked, “How do we know they’re not naughty men?”
His triumphant response: “Because I’ve already been and asked them.”    (RD2013, April, p.58)

怪叔叔
最近我們附近有一些工人在修馬路,這使得我那三歲的兒子衝進廚房問道:「媽!我可以去看那些人在挖馬路嗎?」
我有點擔心交通安全問題,正要脫口說「不行」;他卻先發制人說:「媽!沒問題啦!那些人不是壞人啦!」
我立即見風轉舵問他:「你怎麼知道他們不是壞人?」
他很得意地回答:「因為我已經去問過他們了。」    (RD2013, 四月號, 58)
 


   Peek Behind the Curtain
When you do Shakespeare, they think you must be intelligent because they think you understand what you’re saying.   Actress Helen Mirren  (RD2013, April, p.58)

幕前幕後
當你在演莎士比亞戲劇的時候,人們會以為你很有學問;因為他們以為你懂得你說的每一句話。    英國名女演員海倫.米蘭    (RD2013, 四月號, 58)

 

   Short & Sweet
While taking my grandkids for a drive, one asked, “Nana, are you going to grow any taller?” To which I replied, “No. As you get older you actually grow shorter. You shrink a little.”
“Wow, Nana!” she shrieked. “When you become a Barbie Doll, can I have you?”    (RD2013, April, p.68)

越矮越可愛
我開車載幾個孫子兜風時,其中一個問我說:「奶奶,妳還會長高嗎?」我說:「不會了啦!其實人老了會變矮。」
她聽了很興奮地叫道:「奶奶,妳變成芭比娃娃之後,可以不可以當我的玩具?」    (RD2013, 四月號, 68)
 

   Cruelty 101
The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?” After a pause, one student called out, “Wrinkles?”    (RD2013, Feb., p.80)

超不給面子
在我教的小學三年級班上,講到遺傳學的時候,我特別裝出一個大笑臉,然後指著臉上的酒窩問道:「你們認為我哪個特徵會遺傳給我的子女?」一陣靜默之後,有個學生大聲說:「是皺紋嗎?」    (20132月號,第80)